I spent a day with ROMANCE REPULSED AROMANTICS

Heck yeah!

hi anthony!!! :)

Next you should do spent a day with transgenders, it would be nice to see since there isn't much about us also good job on the vid ^^

Hello Anthony!

can’t wait!!!

WORD!

no

@@wannabecake1lol wdym no

@@wannabecake1shut it

this

Sometimes? When is it not exhausting?

Couldn't agree more

He should make merch with that on

Everyday bro xD

Let’s be honest right now existing is exhausting. You can be having the best day of your life existing will still be very exhausting

It's literally how I feel

I would do nearly anything for my friends, but I just don’t understand why there has to be all this other etiquette and courtesy when it’s romantic.

IKR

exactly lol there should be an aro-ace episode at some point

Finally we aren't hidden through asexuality

I'm aroace but I figured the aromantic part out years before the asexual part and i remember being so frustrated because everytime i wanted to find things about being aro it was just exclusively about asexuality 😭
Still feel more connected to aromanticism so that never really stopped,,

RIGHTT

Ikrrr!!!

True!

Honesty she was the only one who really didn't sound aromantic,it just sound's like she doesn't like the feeling of touch with another person.

@@petraivic9501 fr, she's probably ace not aro

@@petraivic9501 and this change something ? Because like to be touched or not doesn't change you have or not romantic attraction . Aromantic is fell a little or not romantic attraction for others , like to be touched or not doesn't make you or not aromantic.

@@kuudere1428 well it changes everything. This video was made to explain what aromantic is and her statement made it not so clear. I respect her as a person and her way of expressing ,but I just think she is maybe asexual and not aromantic that is all,not sure way you feel triggered by my comment.

also vice versa just bc someone can fall in love doesnt mean they can necessarily feel empathy

Correction: aromantics can fall in love, just not romantically. I love my best friend, for example. I’d even sleep with them if they wanted me to, probably. I’m aro ace though, so I’m not attracted to them in any physical way. I grew to love them platonically.

@@chapachuu yes! And as an aroace, i say we can love in many different non-romantic ways. We can still feel adoration, attachment, care, etc.

@@chapachuu I always thought aromantics couldn't fall in love, but from watching this video and some comments I'm getting the impression it's more about being uncomfortable with romantic gestures and ideas, like you could be aromantic and fall in love with someone after knowing them for a while and have a loving relationship that simply doesnt have romantic gestures? Sorry for the long comment, I'm just curious.

Nik could 100 percent could be describing me.

yes!! thank you for saying this…it especially sucks because it’s so counterintuitive to normalizing experiences in the lgbtq+ community

Omg wait is that a Boyfriends pfp!?!

That mindset is something that gives me so much anxiety, I am very in love with my boyfriend, we've already been 2 years together, but I have a lot of intrusive thoughts that our relationship will change and not be so awesome anymore in a few years. All those sitcoms about unhappily married couples and all those people who say love goes away after a few years and then you're miserable and stuff. It's a really irrational fear, because I think our relationship is stronger than most (very good communication, lots of appreciation, talk about our feelings a lot, let eachother be themselves, ...), and I also believe that love can last if you put in the work and if you really love them for who they are inside, but I still get those intrusive thoughts.

@@hannah5310 love can still exist even if romance and desire died in the relationship. Many couples are like that and also happy.

@@Kotifilosofi Yes, true, but when people say 'give it 5 years', they often mean the couple will only argue and not love eachother anymore after 5 years.

@@hannah5310 yeah, that's a depressing expectation. Just wanted to point out that that's not necessarily the end of the world ☺️

@@KombatGod no?

@@KombatGod I don’t think that’s a thing, but it would be disrespectful to disregard someone’s feelings who isn’t aro and invalidate them

@@KombatGodROMANTICPHOBIC?!/?:?

And all the Aromantics in this video seemed mostly opposed to physical touch and dating, which is not the case for many aromantics! As an aromantic I'm very fond of touch and dates with someone I'm attracted to, I'm just not interested in any long term romantic relationship of any kind.

exactly! i enjoy kissing, hugging and dates. it makes me feel connected to them. the only thing that's different for me is that i just literally don't feel romantic attraction and i don't get crushes. it's always either sexual or plantonic.

i really wish sex didnt exist. no more trauma and questioning, i really wish there was a better alt to making babies

So true it’s exhausting and harmful to people who don’t seek romance or sex

Is asexual and aromantic the same or close in similarity? I’m genuinely curious.

@@moe634
Asexual= do not feel sexual attraction
Aromantic= do not feel romantic attraction.
One can also be aro ace (aromantic asexual) =neither sexually nor romantically attracted to anyone

@@moe634 Not really. Assexual are those who do not experience sexual attraction, while Aromantic don’t experience romantic attraction; as I’m both, I can say it’s easy to be confused

What the FUCK!

Me too! while friends around me have always thought “I want a boyfriend”, I didn’t. In the back of my head I’ve always thought I just want a best friend to always hang out with, i have close friends but they have other friends so they can’t often be with me and I’m very introverted soo I don’t have many friends

Oof. I still feel heartbroken about some friends that I've lost. Especially one that I've lost through my own fault (my internalised transphobia was expressed against her).
I care about the people that are close to me in my life. I want to share experiences with them. Meeting up with them and spending time together makes me happy.

fr

i find it so disrespectful when people imply or straight-up claim that just because you won't be heartbroken by the end of a romantic relationship, you won't experience any loss/betrayal/grief, or at least it won't be as bad

Thanks for reminding me of something!
So I don’t personally relate to this comment because usually my partner would also be my bff. The bff’s I have that matter more to me then a lover isn’t a overwhelming number. It’s kinda like 2-3.
This reminded me of how some people would never do that as their partner is their one true bff.
This also reminded me how different peoples desires in relationships can be. It was a breath of fresh air to see someone who wholeheartedly doesn’t feel like friendship isn’t necessary for romance in general. ❤

literally

Yes

Is it true?
Lmao I've been single whole my life

@@brucewayne3608 depends on the relationship. I've had a couple of relationships where being single was better than the relationship.

Exactly 🤣❤️

He’s so respectful but asks all the best questions so we get to know the real details at the same time. It’s the perfect balance, it’s what makes it so great

Ikr I love his videos!

Yeah, he’s consistently great☝🏻

He’s hilarious

He’s super PC and liberal though. I’d call it pandering rather than actual respect. The dude is a self-absorbed narcissist. I mean look at him. The hair says it all.

Oh jeez. They just mean you’re never going to find anyone. You’re taking it too literally. 🙄

@@kconrad5893 No some people actually say it and believe it. It’s a toxic mindset that pressures people into getting in relationships because they are literally scared to die alone.

I hate when they say that so much. Like thanks for making my feelings feel invalid 😀 Sorry that I literally cannot find myself to be in a romantic relationship.

@@nowwhatwasthat4010 I think you’re delusional and naive pal. NO ONE who talks about “dying alone” means it literally.

We all die lonely and afraid, the only difference is that somebody else is watching you slowly die

You dislike the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload? Are you just a h8er boi? I say see you l8er boi. Don't watch the stuff that gets uploaded by my fingers clicking upload anymore. Your dislikes are damaging my good good GOOD reputation. I am a superstar, dear tj

yeah i like how i think corpse or dream were asked if they were recognized by their voice and when they didn't want to answer he just. okay, skip. no questions, no pressure - just a laugh and the next questions

The ally, every ally should strive to be like

@@AxxLAfriku U just being a 12 years old kid right now

I know right! He is always like this with everyone. That's why i love him

Fr

Because he does his research and researches with care.

No.
He is THE best 😌💖

better then BTS interviewers all they ask is
"Who r u gonna collab with"
💀💀 sorey for off topic

he is a professional interviewer. and a great one at that.

She is❤

Yes she is!

thats what i was thinking too. i could literally listen to her talk all day long

Agreement

congratulations!! :))

The good ending :)

i love that for you !!! and you r so beautiful! u got ur happy ending. better than getting stuck with a man and kids cuz that’s what ‘society’ tells us. there’s so many people men and women who fall for that trap and just do what everyone else does everyday i’m trying to break away from that

I’m so happy for you:) I hope you have the best life possible 💚💚

Its always nice to see older aros, goes to show that aromanticism isn't just a "phase" 💚

she has aro hair!!

Interesting that you think she has mint green hair. I totally thought she had pure white hair, and the green lights and stuff around her were giving it that glow. Now I'm staring at it like it's the damn blue dress. "Is that green, or white??" LOL!

lmao

I literally laughed out loud 😂😂😂😂😂

ME

Glad it resonates with some 🤣🤙🏽

Facts

I wish I could do something to help, but I'm so proud to see them being represented! As a white-skinned Aromantic Jew, I am super proud of Divinity. She looks DIVINE (eh? Eh?) and seems like a really cool person!

Agreed💯

I agree as well!! It’s nice to see black people who are like me in the aro community (I think I’m either demiromantic or aro 😊😊)

yass nice insight

Forreal they all look like hot vampires

rip all that fixing money

A moment of silence for Anthony’s ceiling 😔

Is Anthony a ceiling goblin...?

Poetic

@@vera-tq3ev kh we

I’ve been a fan for 9 years! And I love this series.

Sorry to say this then. He's a horrible person. look up Mykie drama, he's with a horrible person and pretends she's innocent. Idk why this drama is disappearing.

I was just... Ugh Love you.

I’m happy to see him educating people about it also glad to see a fellow 🇱🇹

@@A1ternat1ve ❤️

Yeah, as an aro, romance is just cringe in my mind haha

so relatable

If that’s the reaction you have though, I’m suspicious of whether or not it’s simply an orientation or if you are just repressed for whatever reason.

@@kconrad5893 agreed

@@cas3338 Because there’s a difference between simply not experiencing romantic feelings and being literally disgusted by them right? In my opinion, feelings of disgust stem from some kind of previous trauma.

Ladies and germs, I'm dying

@Brklyn66 aah u don’t know how happy it made me to read that! I’m so glad that info was able to help u feel a little more comfortable in your identity. all my love to u as you heal from ur early life - whatever that healing may look like for you. God knows this shit aint easy but i see you, n I believe in you :]

Oh wow thank you so much for this comment, I have the same experience about the trauma and the lack of attraction for that particular category of people who inflicted that trauma. Your sharing made me realize a more profound perspective of myself. May you have good days ahead!

@@maleineperle1770 dying from being fucking rude that is. why would you read that if you showed no affection?

Your therapist is so wholesome

I have the same background as ur pfp love it

Same. As an Asexual it's so hard to live in a world where everything is overly sexualised and I can understand how hard it must be for aromatics too as everything is romantised if not sexualised. The fact that Anthony makes these videos raises so much awareness to these things and that makes me so happy.

Ya everything is always over sexualized even in the lgbtq community

@@cloudyskye13 it's so pretty isn't it

@@rickthestic ya it beautiful

I almost cried too, I keep going back and forth with myself on if I’m actually asexual or not. And it was weird because I like seeing romance too and I once had a friend who everyone around me, told me I liked ( like romantically) so I got really confused but I kept denying it and the kept saying I did. But I don’t like romance towards myself and even recently I kind of freaked out (at someone’s advances). I don’t even like people touching me not even my mom. I always said that I view a relationship as friendship but you kiss each other😅. I didn’t really realize other people didn’t think the same until recently. I feel, how I feel all points toward asexuality, but something in my head tells me I can’t be just because I might want a marriage and/or children someday. But guess that’s not the case.
(I know you might not care but I just wanted to share cause what you said made me self reflect)

@@jana.b2772 ah I hate when people do that, it's like they try and force relationships. You could still be aro/ace though, the aromantics in this video even got married and I didn't even think that we could.

Anthony has a video "I spent a day with asexual people" and that's a bit more focused on romantic ace relationships, if you're interested in that :)

❤

You can be akoiromantic:)
akoiromantic
being able to have or having romantic attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated/feeling uncomfortable when it is reciprocated
it's like craving intimacy but being allergic to it
alex felt awkward when they and sam began to date and become more intimate even though they had held strong feelings of attraction for them before dating; alex is akoiromantic.

right? specially as romance-repulsed, they probably see us as edgy "love isn't real" people. I've had people think I don't believe in love just because I said I see romance as a social construct, they straight out thought I was heartbroken or something when in reality I just dislike romance

Samee

I LOVE how they both communicate. I thought the example of wearing yellow is very clever. Like if you like someone, you gotta make some compromises!

Being a satanist is so wholesome

Frrrrrrr

@@spug9338 Yes. Yes it is

Some would say romantic

There is what is perceived as normal and anything outside of that box is considered abnormal and if it fits under abnormal, it's considered a psychological abnormality. "Abnormal psychology" is a class that is offered in college. What therapists do is find what is abnormal and find ways to treat it so the patient fits into the box of normal so it doesn't disrupt the status quo.

yeah, i usually scared to bring up being aro or ace to therapists bc of this

@@remixfantastica3151 I told my therapist and... yeah. I'm getting a new therapist.

@@chiedzawith2ds most therapists are like that. So, be mindful and clear with your next therapist that you don't want to feel "sick", you want to feel validated and proud of who you are.

But that can happen and we shouldn't make people feel like they shouldn't follow or seek medical advice, and be accepted whatever the outcome is/isn't.

AGREE oml

@@vera-tq3ev IKR!

It's so badass

For a stripper

It's so magical.

I've personally found that being aromantic was more difficult than being bisexual. I'm already part of the community and I think it's wrong to go around gatekeeping others who don't fall in line with heteronormative/amatonormative standards. ALSO it's not a struggle contest.

@@meadowrae1491 well said !

Im trans, queer and aro/ace. I've actually experienced more suffering from being open about being aro and/or ace, than from being queer (attraction to multiple genders) so the whole concept of "u dont suffer enough" is totally bullshit

yes

Fr, like, why we measuring turds when it’s all shit? Lmao

May I be your friend too? Of course not like right away but maybe we can start slow with any safe messaging app? Otherwise no worries have a nice day!

@@sejalb725I would like to tag along

i'm like you! we have a flag called "loveful aro flag", check it out!

JACKSEPTICEYE’S DAD IS BEING ROASTED IN HELL LOLOLOL

Same! I've never related to something so much. The way they talk about being aromantic and their journeys just helps me confirm it for myself even more because it took me awhile to accept that I am aromantic/ asexual and not that something was wrong with me

couldn’t have said this better myself!!

I’m so happy for you! I hope you are living your best life :)

@@joefunkinmama2157 And so will you.

This!!!

This literally happens with all women. Aromantic or not

Exactly, and they don’t owe you a goddamn thing, y’all both consented to the one time thing unless it had been discussed otherwise.

Like the ultimate friendly flirty type without the end goal of wanting anything or even knowing what’s going on

@@huracan360 How does that sentence not make sense?

@@huracan360 I still don't get it. Just tell me.

@@huracan360 Tell me how it doesn't make sense

@@huracan360 it makes perfect sense

@@huracan360 Just tell me how it's wrong then

Completely agree, it's so shite when other lgbtq people argue about whether aro and/or ace ppl are valid/"face enough discrimination to be considered one of us" etc. So many people will tell them "you're lgbtq - only cuz you're trans too, or only cuz you're bi too." Like ughh. Aroaces, aros and aces are fricking awesome & welcome if they wanna connect with lgbtq stuff.

yeah, this entirely!

Exactly. Its like you can be deaf, but not part of the deaf community.

Exactly!
And just something related yet unrelated, even being antisocial (Antisocial personality disorder is the term for psychopaths/sociopaths now, especially in severe cases) doesn’t have to be scary or dangerous. We have a mental illness that we can’t help, but we can control ourselves to behave a certain way. I’m NOT trying to take away from the actual subject tho, just trying to stop some stigma for my own mental illness.

Im aromatic but im bi also. Either way, u gotta deal w me haha

im so happy for you! im glad i just found out because im young, and it will save me alot of confusion, but im so so happy for u!!

Congrats!

I'm so, so happy you found yourself!!! It's the best feeling ever, and I'm so glad you got to experience it

Interesting, I would imagine being with an aro would be the most toxic thing for a very romantic person.

@@Rjcuatrocinco same, it would prob be frustrating for both people since their needs are not being met

@@Rjcuatrocinco actually it can work. As long as both communicate and are open with their needs it can be just as healthy as a fully romantic relationship

As a gay girl who is aromantic, I appreciate your curiosity!

thanks! awesome when people understand that people can have very different experiences and neither of them is wrong

agreed! even outside of the aromantic context, people not in a relationship in general should be normalised! not everyone wants to spend their life with someone else, and thats okay!

Chill with the pressure of marriage or kids, biologys main goal is reproduction lol 😅

@@leahflower9924 oh be quiet please

Yeah at the same time you don't tell yourself there's nobody out there for you
This is probably legit a mental illness lol

@@leahflower9924 that doesn’t mean you should force me to be something I’m not

thank you for being part of the episode and opening up about such a personal topic in such a vulnerable way. ps can't get the terms crotch goblin and vagina flowers out of my head now 🥲

thank you for talking about our community! 💞

:)

Thank you for the child repulsed perspective! Feels good to know that there's others out there who can't stand those nasty little crotch goblins. :)

I can easily get how you can be attractionless, there are many more emotions in the human brain than just social ones. I can't understand the experience, like people can't understand my aroace experience unless they too are aroace. But I can respect you and get that you can still have empathy while being attractionless. I am sure you're a cool person the way you are.

@@christinewalker7242 aw thanks for the kind words. it's really rare to get any positive reaction, so I really appreciate that

Do those people only feel empathy for people they're romantically interested in?/gen

What does IA mean?!!!!!! I am sooo confused by it all now. I would really appreciate a kind education on it. LGBTQ! 🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧

@@kingpuppet5881 as I understand it: I = intersex, A = aromantic, asexual, agender

Being aro often feels like a curse to me. It makes things complicated and there have been many situations where I felt less human by bystanders saying things like “romantic love is intrinsically human” or at a concert where the singer said “we all remember our first crush” . I don’t see how aro people don’t suffer because of it. Cause all the ones I’ve met personally do

Also "you haven't suffered like I do" is also harmful because hopefully moving forward people within the LGBTQIA comunity won't suffer like the ones before them. That's the point : to make acceptance widespread so less people suffer !!!

I mean... no one suffered like you, because everyone has their own tragedies and pains in life. Gender, culture, personal stuff, accidents, beliefs and all that. It doesn't mean that someone's trauma is more or less valid. But I think those words mean, "not many people understand and relate enough to being excluded to something so big in our society". The concept of love, romantic love, is put on a pedestal and you just soak it in since kindergarten. Imagine never experiencing any of what you have been promised, while your family and friends do? So that could be applied to aro as well. Just saying

What's that "I" for?

@@xadielplasencia3674 maybe intersex

@@xadielplasencia3674 Intersex. But it feels out of place.

@@ivetterodriguez1994 ok? tell that to intersex people

@@peri1539 I think they mean it feels out of place because it isn't a type of identity in the way that gender/sexual/romantic identities are.
I'm not saying anything against intersex being included, just trying to explain.

More like what ?

More like what ?

My thoughts exactly. I love to see stuff about aros but as an aroallo it's always a bit disheartening when the aro ppl are only ever aroace

As an aromantic who's possibly allosexual I agree!!

I wish there was at least one aroace person tho

Yep. I think the Aces came up with the term, but the split attraction model made it clear there could theoretically be aromantic people who were different sexualities. In the ten years since I discovered my own aro-aceness, it seems that the word has gotten out and those theoretical aro allos have discovered the term and formed a community as well. Huzzah for self-discovery!

Yeah, i remember when i first found out being aromantic was a thing and i immediately identified with it because I've been struggling with it for YEARS, but i didn't identify as asexual yet because i just. Never thought about myself in any sexual way ever so i had no clue yet. And i always felt kind of peeved when everything about aros somehow just seemed to focus more on aces. Rarely saw anything about alloaros even now, tbh. Wish there was more focus on them too, even if I know im aroace now

Granted, Anthony probably can't relate anymore since he's vegan but I felt this in the remnants of my soul.

Or dropped your bagel cream cheese side down😔 real pain right there

@@chickenfdisoruhg4915 theres vegan butter

I dropped a bread with chocolate cream over (was the last one) same feeling, my soul went down with it

actual sigma in the chat

no because same

the aromantic community is one of the most accepting and wholesome ones out there fr

Agreed, she was so pretty

Yes and her fashion sense is 🔥

Absolutely she’s cute

Her name suits her, she's truly divine.

Yes, so gorgeous!

I think they might be projecting their desires and what they have been taught, on you, maybe? Like, they want you and you are just not available for that? Or like the most beatiful people are the ones to fall in love, have sex etc in movies and everywhere?

Wait, you guys find her attractive? 🤮

@@TheGodly I'm not attracted to women in general but yes she is beautiful. That emoji you used was over the top right out mean. So unneccessary.

@@slowfire2 in my opinion she is not beautiful and my emoji was very necessary to express myself.

@JP if you don't find her attractive, then don't make it sound like she's ugly? You are entitled to your opinions but please be respectful when doing so

It’s the clarity that comes with distance

Aros often analyze romance because we don't inherently understand it. Therefore, some of us have great advice.

I appreciate you saying that but that’s not entirely true. People only heard of those terms in the 1990’s so is relatively new however I’m sure the feelings connected with that go way beyond that

I also think people need to consider that, even if a therapist has done some research or had previous asexual clients, their experience may not match what you are telling them. Another comment listed about 5 different subcategories. The 3 guests had 3 different definitions of romance, intimacy, love, etc and 3 different set of preferences regarding relationships and physical touch. The therapeutic relationship is reciprocal - therapists need to be open to their client's experiences, identity and self-expression and not make assumptions, and clients need to be willing to disclose their experiences, identity and self-expression.

I’ve always felt afraid to tell a therapist abt my asexuality and aromanticism cause of all this

I’m currently in school studying to be a social worker and I’m so glad that this is pointed out. Many times therapists can do more harm. Are there any suggestions or advice you have for someone working in mental health?

@@lilimartinez3758 The 2 best things you can do is a) be aware that there’s going to be aphobic (anti people on the aro or ace spectrum) remarks in your education and keep an eye out for them and not allow them to influence your views and b) research more on aspec (people on the aro and ace spectrum). This ties into the first one because you HAVE to be educated on these subjects in order to recognize the points that are wrong. I personally had to go through a LOT to get through my internalized aphobia. You don’t have the motivation I do to get through your own aphobia, but you can still listen to us and educate yourself so you can acknowledge and help validate your clients experience and recognize that some tactics are harmful to us. It all boils down to love, romantic or otherwise, and sex doesn’t make us. Knowing this can also help allo (people not aspec) people because it takes away the expectation of relationships and allows you to put yourself first.

Very similar to my experience! :D The thing is, I really like touch and feel like it's how I show affection, since in my family growing up hugging and stuff was very usual, and I'm sometimes sad that I can't hug my friends more without it seeming odd to them or worrying about it being read wrong. Any sign towards someone being into me, and I become so uncomfortable, I feel like squirming :'D And I have sometimes felt guilty, too, mentally going through my previous actions to try and see if something I said or did might have encouraged them... But it's not like I can live, always considering what kind of vibes I give off towards other people xD I do like romance in fiction, though! And I'm always happy for my friends for finding someone. Everything's great as long as I'm not included in it :)

I can agree, i grew up in a very platonic loving environment so im a very lovey person and will hug my friends and stuff, i also love romance, i love romance stories etc. I just don't feel romantic attraction

i guess i'm slightly aromantic or perhaps not as it could just be an autism thing (i have Autism and ADHD) because i don't like being touched at all.. i don't like hugs heck i don't even like it when someone's arm brushes against my arm.. i'm quite touch aversed.. but it's very much possible this is an Autism thing and not so much me being aromantic.. (i'm still kind of looking for everything and though i think i'm into women because i have a bigger aversion to men than i do to women as i wouldn't mind kissing a woman or cuddling another woman but i wouldn't like either of that with a man.. but it does have to be on my terms since i cannot handle random touch.. i'll react the same way someone would react when stepping in dogshit) however i'm not even sure if i feel sexual attraction either as i'm completely sex repulsed.. however i would want a companion even if it's just to have fun together with hobbies or watching movies together.. i also don't mind romantic tropes as much. however it shouldn't be too much.. i won't know what to do with flowers so give me chocolates instead.. now the reason why i'm not sure is because though i've had friends like me before they were all men.. and i did recoil from the confession or whatever.. so it's very much possible that's just a sexuality thing and not so much an aromantic thing.. it's hard.. i'm also nonbinary though i do prefer masculine presenting over feminine (i'm not sure if there is a specific name for any of that.. i'm bad at doing research like that because i never know where to start looking) my life is a fucking mess

Not to brag, but people have told me I'm handsome and I'm Aromantic as fuck. Like 29yo, never felt anything remotely romantic, and romance averse to a fault. The idea of anyone liking me romantically and being in a romantic relationship grosses me out. So I guess we are in the same boat thinking that our looks are wasted due to us being weirdos lol

HEYYY another aromantic-spec and demisexual here!

I always thought that being part of the lgbt+ community was just being part of another gender or sexuality. Never thought of it as "we suffer together if I didn't suffer I don't deserve to be part of it". That's pretty messed up to think that way. It kind of makes it sound like a masochistic thing where it's supposed to be about acceptance. I also never considered slurs like a bad thing if there is no bad intent behind.
A bit of a stretch too but most of the time I don't really care about someone's gender. Why would I fucking care. If you got pronouns and I got it wrong tell me once and go next. I don't want someone's gender being their whole identity

Agreed! A trans person will go through different struggles compared to a cis gay man. Everyone goes through different things and it’s not fair to place your value on how hurt you were.

I'm a bisexual white woman in a straight-facing relationship. Since it's so easy for me to dodge discrimination, I try to be a part of the community through activism and my vote, but I don't go around saying I'm a part of it nor feel a need to be at Prides or gay clubs. I feel very hypocritical about it but it also feels like there's very little I can do about it other than telling every single person I meet that I like women too, or straight up dumping the love of my life for a woman. Idk. It's a weird spot to be in.

I absolutely agree. if people in the lgbtqia+ community are gonna gatekeep each other and create division in what's already and underrepresented minority then how are we ever gonna make progress? we're just shooting ourselves in the foot

Yeah
I'm ace and I also don't hear slurs and aphobia that often, but 3-4 years ago I realised that it's because most of my friends are on the ace/aro spectrum, whether I didn't know it, they didn't know it or we found out after either of us came out to the other. (After all you gravitate towards those who are like you)
While
EVERY SINGLE TIME I ask an "allo-allo" person if they would break up with an ace or aro person solely based on them not "liking-liking" you, but still loving you to bits, they say yes. They say it's not normal. They say romance and the deed are part of a relationship. Then they correct themselves by saying infantilising stuff like "but I still think yours is the purest form of love". Like, that's oppression. That means not being comfortable being yourself in a world that was not built for you. That's the reason why I unconsciously built my friend group with a bunch of closeted aspecs like me. That's not equality or freedom.

exactlyyy same here

I remember having a falling out with a close friend of mine, we would call each other "fiance" and set our fb relationship status as "engaged" to each other even though he was gay and I wasn't interested in him as any more than a friend, cute as I thought he was, and I told people it felt like a break up, or worse than a break up. Shoot, even though it might have been for the best, it still hurts looking back on it especially because I take responsibility for the falling out. There's just something about looking back on a friendship with someone you used to spend so much time with together that hurts worse for me than looking back on a romantic relationship with someone I used to spend so much time with... idk it hits different for me. Maybe because I have commitment issues so relationships don't usually tend to last long anyway whereas friendships can last a lot longer or the bond can feel stronger because there's not that pressure or expectation. I look back on past friendships, especially the friendships I ruined and I mourn what used to be but I hope those people are alright now, and I'm working on being a better person now in therapy and other areas of my life to avoid making the same foolish mistakes.

We dont feel that love for the person in that capacity though. We feel love for our family and friends, just not in a falling for someone way we are expected to "love" when it comes to romance.

I wish we had multiple words for love, like how greek does.

Same here. I’ve been heartbroken by friends or family. In fact, my ab*ser was a close friend, as opposed to a partner or a loved one. I get scared to tell people that because it’s not your typical relationship partner ab*se so therefor to them it’s not valid. But I swear… it is… lol. I know what happened to me. I hate the misconception that only romantic partners can break your heart. It’s absolutely not true.

Agree 100%! Co-parenting separately from romantic or sexual relationships actually sounds like it would be a way more stable and healthy thing for children. So many people have issues with relationships and they never get therapy or fix any of it. I really think keeping those things separate is a lot better than when kids grow up seeing their dad beating their mom, cheating on her, parents screaming at each other, etc.

the thing is even if you have someone one of you is going to die first and leave the other alone, so that's definitely flawed.
but also the general concept of just "needing" to have a partner to die with or you'll never be complete is so strange, yeah! who tf came up with that idea lmao

people use the same excuse as to why you need children, to have someone to take care of you and so you don't die alone lol I find it so odd

Right? I'm A-Ok with dying alone. I think it would be worse to die with someone I can't stand hovering over me.

i'm not alone i have my giant squishmallow collection

@@turtlechow18 oh that one makes me so mad. If you're having kids so you're not alone when you die, there's a problem there 🤢

please we are not smelly 😭 aromaNtic

@@changedmynamebcyallwouldnt.. lmao

@@changedmynamebcyallwouldnt.. i didn't notice, now i can't stop laughing XDDDD

I thought I was the only one that thought that 😭

Lol

yeah i saw the title and i was like "repulsed" is a strong word

⁠​⁠​⁠@@mukilandhinesh3931romance-repulsed is actually a specific aro term, (which a couple participants assigned themselves to be,) alternatively called romance-averse! There’s several others, like what OP said is typically called romance-indifferent or romance-neutral, and you an also be romance-favourable :)

@@meaghanklassen5988 Oh yeah I'm aware.

yes! I think in the ace episode he wasn't as clear about that so I'm very glad it is made clear in this one.

YES! Im aromantic but im a huge romantic at the same time, i love the concept of romance, the dates and candlelit dinners, small kisses and hugs etc. I just dont feel the attraction and i probably would never date someone in a romantic way. (Although i might in a queerplatonic or platonic way)

I struggle with that alot with not experience it for myself. I like to touch others like hugs and kisses on the cheeks family members. Friends only locking arms but i heve never gone beyond that. Whenever i would like a boy i would enjoy it and feel good until tge moment they tried to take my hand or kiss me. I instantly dont feel anything anymore and am disgusted

lol. I used to joke, way back when I was still questioning myself, that if I ever married, it would be to a closeted gay millionaire. 1) I'd be rich. 2) He'd never bug me for sex. 3) We could hang out together without things getting weird between us. Of course that was over a decade ago and the world has shifted to make it much more likely any such gentleman would be openly and happily married to a husband of his choice going forward. And anyway, I'm just as fine living alone as I would be with a roomie.

@@wordforger same I remember thinking how I wanted my close friend to be a room mate as I grow up in life with a job, someone to keep my company and show affection in my own way without wanting sex, and if we do want sex so be it

don't want to be rude so im sorry if it comes across that way, this is genuine. how is what you described not a romantic crush? how is it different from a romantic crush? you think more of her than a friend, you want to be close with her? is the difference just that you don't want to kiss her (and stuff like it)?
like. i've never enjoyed kissing. or holding hands in public or whatever. and i don't see the appeal in it. but isn't that just... personal preference? at what point would make something like that aromantic?

@@bambii-_ I personally don't like kissing or anything physical. I have squishes on people, but that's it. It's a platonic crush.
For each person, there are boundaries, and some people are willing to kiss their S.O. because they don't mind it. They know it makes the other person happy, so they kiss them, but not because they want the kiss.
Some people have levels of physical touch that they might not deem romantic but others might. It depends on boundaries and personal preference.
I don't know how well I explained that, but that's what I know!

Oh my god it's you again,, hello pfp buddy :")
I also have a longtime friend that i definetely plan to move in together with sometime in the future! Funnily enough he found out he's probably also aroace recently, so. Aroace roommates :D
The only annoying thing is that im (perceived to be) a woman and he's a guy. So when you mention you're close/wanna move in together it's. Sigh. Not helped by the fact that the word for platonic friend and boy/girlfriend is the same in my language, so if you call someone of the opposite gender your friend, chances are people assume you're dating. Which is a fun time when the majority of my friends are dudes. Get me out of this hell 😔

Same. The love I feel for my male friends is always seen as me being gay, and I have to tell them "dude, I don't want to f... you, I just love you, you're awesome" XD. My best friend is always like "awww" and gets all blushy!! jajaja

I say I love you to many of my friends. They were weirded out at first, but then started saying it back and liked it. I'd obviously stop if it made someone uncomfortable. I say it to both men and women and my intent is clear. Honestly, I think it's just nice to remind people that they are cared for.

@@abelcanocarriel1343 Men showing affection to their male friends is always seen as gay and that makes no sense to me bc love is not just romantic. It's interesting because in my experience, when it's between me and other girls, we're okay with showing affection as friends and it seems to be way more normalized in society than when it's guy + guy or girl + guy

!!! Same !

I'm fortunate to have friends who understand and say it back. I even have a male friend on fb who is openly loving to his male friends and they reciprocate the affection and it warms my heart. Love is just GREAT! and I think it is important for us to express how we feel while we, and they, are still here.

Me too. The way he talks to his guests is so validating for people experiencing the same thing. We all need a friend that's that understanding and open minded.

I don’t think they‘re lucky, this is just how you‘re supposed to treat a guest! But sadly a lot of hosts don‘t :(

I think he's lucky too, though. By meeting all different types of people for these videos, he's learning more about different sexualities, genders, ideologies, etc. it's definitely a win-win for both!

@@axolotlhappy2340 you're absolutely right!

@@seducedbysasquatch yeah i bet he is

Lemme tell you- we just find other shit to waste our time on 😂

as it is for anyone to accept who they are, being aromantic isn't always easy, but I know your comment wasn't intended to be harmful at all :))

I’m not aromatic but I can’t date, and purposely don’t feed into romantic attraction. Trust me, i still get nothing done

The thing that replaces it is procrastination :p

One of my favorite moments was "you ever dropped your toast? butter side down? thats heartbreak."

@@bunnycrofts8127 Same!

I love your name! Edit: person below is an icon ✨👇🏻✨

@@hah-no. ngl the wording of your question kinda confused me but ill try my best?
(im on the aromantic spectrum & the asexual spectrum as well as being pan)
so, there's lots of different types of attraction: sexual attraction, romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, platonic attraction, etc.
I consider myself acespec, arospec, and pan because im not fully ace or aro, and when i do feel romantic/sexual attraction its not limited my the person's gender.
I think madeline (the person with a wife) was talking about companionship not in a specific sexual/romantic/platonic way, just companionship in the way of being with another person and sharing your life with them
hope this helped???

@@maxdujmovic6250 yeah, sorry about that! But ok, yeah I think that clears it up. Thank you! My minds gears were crunching but weren’t quite there. Thanks again!

Ayy fellow aroace

Another aroace:D

I think I may be aroace?

Kewl! I'm oriented aroace here. 😁 I wish the world wasn't so hooked onto something that can be so detrimental to us at times. Sex, especially.

Yay my people I have found you 🥳🥳…fellow aroace

There's nothing wrong with dying a virgin.

@@koolkaty4088 spitting Faxs no printer

Virginity is a social construct, never feel pressured to lose or not lose it.

congrats for coming out, and i'm so glad your ex was very understanding of it

Yea im not ace but aro ( idk if im allo but im not ace if that makes sense) and seeing people thinking that every aro is ace is pretty disheartening so its great that he interwieved an aroallo person

yes, yes! everywhere i just see ace aros or ace alloros but i rarely ever see alloaros. it really gets under my skin when people say that being ace doesn’t necessarily mean you’re also aro but never say the same for alloaros

I’m aroallo too and it’s so refreshing 😭 I’m so grateful that he included people like me

Was about to comment the same thing. Aroace here, but was really happy to find that they were included too, if people can be aroace and alloace, why not aroallo? I am very nitpicky about information so I'm really glad you guys aren't ignored

Yeah alloromantic/allosexual is simply when you aren't on th aromantic/asexual spectrum so if you do feel sexual attraction and you're not demi etc you'd be allo

A person can be touch repulsed because of neglect. So many people weren't touched/held enough by their parents/grandparents as children so it makes it feel very unnatural and unsafe to be touched when they are older

I don't want to imply that applies to you or the people in the video, I'm just saying that it can come from little things, like from a families culture

@@emilydurkee8664 oh yeah my mom is not at all physically affectionate despite being very loving and it definitely played a role ahjshah

I was hugged plenty as a child I just don’t like it as an adult

Yes I'm aroace but I still like hugs from my friends and I will hold hands with them in a friend way but I've known them for 2months - 7yrs so their more like sisters at this point

I think my boyfriend's mom and dad are the same way which might explain why he's not very romantic toward me. I've noticed a huge difference in affection between them compared to my own mom and dad. It's very strange and feels off, like something is missing. But I certainly cannot blame them or my boyfriend if that's just how it is. It's just a very big difference that affects me in a lot of ways. That makes me feel let down because I'm not getting enough of what I need. I love my boyfriend so much, I just want more connection that makes me feel love the way I understand it with a partner. It's kind of tragic really when two people are attracted to each other but have completely different love languages and neither are willing to learn to speak the other's.

I wonder if this is a generational thing? Back in the days, the expectation was marriage and kids for women. Rarely was there a route to do anything else.
I wonder if women never had there own freedom and unconsciously started to build resentment.

@@lemonbuzz642 I mean marriage and kids, or at least a partner, is still kind of the expected now. It's the reason why my mum doesn't really acknowledge/ accept that part of me.
She just doesn't want me to be alone.

@@crypticcryptid4702 and I'm guessing you have many people in your life, or at least a close few, who are your ride or die. funny (sad, really) how society views people as somehow sad and lonely or less than if they are not partnered up...

Oddly enough, I think this is the case for me and my mother as well. My mother has never really been attracted to my father, or any man for that matter. She was in love with the thought of love, but didn’t seem to actually have the capacity to experience it. I wouldn’t ever know though since she’s super Christian and doesn’t like discussing identities because she thinks they’re ‘ridiculous’.

damn that's deep

Its one of the natural instincts of survival that gets exploited by the industry. Same old story.

That's what I've been in belief of for a while! Like, 'Seek wholeness in another, especially through grand gestures with mostly the intent of getting banged!' is the message we're taught but the truth is you'll only be complete once you work on making yourself whole. This includes bringing yourself out and exploring life totally present within yourself- connecting wholly with your thoughts and emotions.
I'd like to add that if we were more a community based society and freely gave platonic affection to one another without any kind of hidden intentions- romance wouldn't be as popular as it is now or even at all.

@@monbub thanks :D

@@haileyt857 i agree - i seek to live in a community-based village in the future where bartering replaces capitalism

Awww thanks so much! Made my day ☺️

@@nikhampshire Nik!! You're so cool