struggling with pregnancy depression

Your body isn't growing 2 humans. It's growing 3. You're a human too. ♥ You're still there.

I googled “15 weeks pregnant” and I saw a multitude of bodies, some bigger than you, some smaller than you, all as beautiful as you are. You’re growing TWO humans and, like, living at the same time?!! WHAT?! You’re a rockstar!

When colleen goes "ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?!" after the blue sky boba 😂😂😂

Colleen should not be saying “people have it way worse” because it is not a competition and you can’t keep comparing yourself to other people’s pregnancy. We all believe in you and you can make it through this!

I wish people would stop saying “people have it worse” pregnancy is not a competition about who has it better or worse :(

“Tuesday tortilla talk” I feel like that’s what it should be called when Colleen talks and she’s in the tortilla blanket orrr “tortilla talk”

Colleen, I am a certified perinatal mental health therapist and an art therapist. I see mamas who feel this way every. Single. Day. You are not alone! Something you can try doing, if it sounds right for you, is to make two lists: one list of things that have changed in terms of your body, and another list of things you notice that have stayed the same. No right or wrong answers are possible. Take that list to your therapist and open up a discussion about how you feel. Much love!

It’s always the nicest of people that are hurting the most

PLEASE read the book “More than a Body” pregnant or not, it has helped me IMMENSELY see my body in a different way. It will change you seeing your body strictly for appearance and for purpose.

Colleen. You are not sounding like a brat, this is your safe space, this is where we will comfort you if you are having a hard time, take it easy on yourself, you are pregnant with TWINs

Colleen, if you need a break from vlogging - take one. We will be here when you come back. Brains can be brutal sometimes, and it sucks. You are so so so strong, and I have major respect for you. You are an amazing person and I admire you for your courage and will. I'm sending you lots of hugs. You will get through this. We believe in you!

“That tastes like a day spa… and not in the good way” -Colleen 2021 😂

Honey, you're not at the beginning, you're nearly half way! (For an average twin pregnancy).

HAHAHAHA WHEN SHE TASTED THE BLUE BOBA AND SAID “ARE YOU GUYS OKAY??” TO THE TWINS AHAHAHAH

"Who looks like this at 15 weeks?": women who are pregnant with multiples.... you're pregnant with twins...

You continue to say “I’m so dramatic”, no Colleen. You aren’t, you’re going through so much. It’s not dramatic to feel feelings like this. You are pregnant, pregnancy isn’t easy! You are absolutely gorgeous! Changes aren’t always bad, you’re glowing. You can do it Colleen 🤍

"Who looks like this at 15 wks"
SOMEONE WHO IS PREGNANT WITH TWINS

what colleen thinks we will say when shes venting about her TWIN pregnancy: "omg shes so dramatic ugh" how we are: "colleen ur amazing and strong!".

You’re right.. there are people who have it worse than you. BUT that does NOT mean that you have to invalidate your feelings. Just because others may have more difficult situations, does not mean you can’t also have a hard time. It’s good that you can acknowledge that things could be worse, but you should remember how strong and beautiful and resilient you are for willingly putting yourself through this physical and emotional pain. My therapist has been working with me on treating myself like I would a friend. You wouldn’t tell your friend in the same situation that they should be grateful because others have it worse; you would tell them that they will get through this and tell them that they are so incredibly strong and are a super woman for going through this. If you wouldn’t say something to your friend, why say it to yourself?? I believe in you so much Colleen, you have helped me get through my darkest days and I know that on the other side of this pregnancy is a lifetime of happiness with your beautiful family. Keep on keeping on! Sending love and prayers 💕

As a young woman who wants children oneday it's so good to see all angles of pregnancies good and bad, thankyou for sharing this part of your journey with us ♥️♥️

This is the last time Colleen! Remember that! Time never stops and every day that passes you're a day closer to see your babies, a day closer to stop feeling depressed, a day closer to feel like yourself again, a day closer to see Flynn become a big brother. Every inch that your body grows the closer you get to the end of this pregnancy. You got this!

“ Who looks like this” woman carrying twins, a woman that was big when she was pregnant with her first…Which is perfectly okay.. You are all baby, with Flynn, with these angels.. You went back to your regular body after Flynn, and you will this time too!!!!!! Pls try to remember that!!!!!!! It will all be okay… 💜💜💜💜💜

I looked like that at 15 weeks with all 3 pregnancies BUT didn’t have twins! People ALWAYS asked me if I was though!! I was small & all my babies were gigantic! lol

"Its ok to not be ok" YASSSS Colleen!!!! We all need to hear this more. It's ok to breakdown, it's ok to cry, to stress, to be sad....its life, remember this everyone!!!

Imagine how cute this would be: Colleen and Erik have Flynn in the middle holding their shoulders. They each have a twin being held with the outside arm. They’re both kissing Flynn on the cheek and he has the biggest little smile ever. It’s hard to explain but it makes sense in my head. UR AN ABSOLUTE ✨QUEEN✨ COLLEEN!

I think it's important to realize that while your pregnant, the baby/babies have their own energy. It's like hanging out with someone 24/7 except that person is literally inside of you. I believe that is were the feeling of disassociation comes from. Because I felt similarly while pregnant, like I was put on the back burner and my body wasn't mine. Coupled with how focused on them you are and how you alter your life to protect/provide the right things for the baby, it can be a real overload. Self sacrificing is hard.

Please don’t force yourself to film. If you think you need a break for your own sanity and mental health, do it. Take the break :)

Every time I’d complain about a pregnancy symptom my mom would say, “you’re body doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to that baby. Just got to work through it.” And it made everything 100x WORSE. Like what? Pregnancy can suck. I’m glad you have a therapist to help you through some of it.

When you were talking about your negative body image : this sounds very familiar and I’ve never been pregnant. I felt defeated, unrecognizable, disgusting, and not myself after I had to gain so much weight in ED recovery. And mine isn’t temporary. Remember that YOU are still you no matter what your body looks like. You’re a wonderful human being! Don’t allow your brain to beat you down so much.

I love how Colleen asked the twins “are you okay” when she tasted the bad boba

Colleen: drinks disturbing dusting drink
Her to the twins: are you guys ok!?😂

When Colleen grabbed her belly & said “are you guys okay?” I LOST IT 😂😂😂😂😂

Colleen, I struggled with my pregnancy’s, but my toughest one were my twins, I was depressed a lot, hated how I looked, didn’t like that I was growing, and I felt so different that I never wanted to get out of bed, especially not look in the mirror, but you are a stronger woman then I am, so you can do it. You are beautiful even if you don’t look or feel like yourself. You can do it, you can get through it, I know how you feel, we all love you Colleen, don’t give up.

When she said “IT TASTES LIKE A DAY SPA” I died and I am I the only one that wants to give her the biggest hug ever. Colleen idk if you’ll see this but you are so amazing, beautiful, and talented. The fact that you are able to grow TWINS is so amazing. It is ok to have feelings and not like pregnancy but you are so beautiful and strong and if you gotta take a break pls do because we care about you💜

Same here, I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and I feel miserable, my depression is just overtaking any happiness I could have had

Flynn working on the bulldozer before getting ice cream… he has a better work ethic and more motivation than I do to complete my A level 😂😳

Body Dysmorphia, Depression and generally your normal mental health issues getting a crappy boost during pregnancy doesn’t get spoken about. You are normal! How you feel happens to a lot of pregnant humans. Three humans are sharing one body! What! However you feel about that is okay. Engage all the mental health resources available, say peace to the camera whenever you aren’t feeling up to it. Walk out of the house and take a break from life every time you feel overwhelmed about it all. Never apologize about existing in your truth.

“My brain is mean”. I can relate to that so much. It feels horrible when your own mind is your worst enemy at times. Sending hugs.

As someone with a chronic illness that makes my weight fluctuate often, I can relate to the issues of body image rapidly changing. Its hard to see pictures and videos of yourself and not recognize yourself, and know that the reason is out of your control. I empathize with you so much, and am sending much love!

15 weeks pregnant does look like that though. When you’re having twins! And your body looks like that at 15 weeks so obviously they do look like that. You are far more than what you look like of course. You’ve got this. I know it’s probably scary and I’m sorry you’re going through that. I think it’s totally normal to feel that way and I know you aren’t alone in these feelings.

She looks exactly like herself but she sees something else..

I know this doesn't help because it's how you feel about yourself that matters, but I think you look younger, healthier and beautiful (as always) when you're pregnant.

I recently found out I was pregnant and as someone with severe body dysmorphia, since my body started changing I've felt better about myself. I don't feel heavy and huge like I previously did. Instead, I feel so proud to be growing a human and proud to be getting bigger. I'm so surprised that pregnancy has caused such a mental boost. I feel so sorry that people have to go through depression during pregnancy. You got this Colleen ❤

Colleen just remember pregnancy doesn’t last forever even though it feels like it. You’ll be back to your normal self in no time, I k ow it’s hard but you got this mama! You’re so strong and beautiful and I pray you find more happiness during the rest of your pregnancy ❤️

Please do not be afraid to speak with your doctor about how you’re feeling. My doctor put me on an antidepressant (pregnancy safe) when I was pregnant with my daughter and it was life changing! I still take it a year and a half later.

Colleen saying she thinks she doesn’t looks like herself is so heartbreaking. Colleen if you’re reading this, what does “You” look like then? A skinny girl who loves life and isn’t pregnant? You’re beautiful no matter how much your body changes. And as it keeps changing you’re getting more gorgeous by the second. I know this comment won’t really change any feelings of yours but please keep trying to be positive. You’re doing great already💕

Whenever she is sitting down talking about feelings and starts crying, I almost immediately start crying along with her. Almost like I'm crying it out with a friend❤️

The fact she is just wrapped up in a tortilla blanket and then in the next clip makes tortillas ahahaha

Body dysmorphia is so so so hard and I’m so so sorry it’s making everything that much harder for you. Just remember that it isn’t permanent. It’s part of the journey. And when you have them you will have that moment in the hospital again where you can sigh and say “I’m me again”

love how colleens not like “well...it’s not that bad, i just don’t like it.” shes like “that is horrid. cant believe i just gave that to the twins. sorry babies hope y’all good in there” like her being blunt and honest is great, even if it’s..boba tea 😂

It’s so adorable how Flynn can talk so well now! He’s killing me with how serious he is about that bulldozer! He chose it before ice cream..that’s dedication! 😭

I'm not judging, i just can't imagine caring about what my body looks like while being pregnant. YOU are not what you look like. YOU are YOU. Your spirit, your personality.. you are beautiful on the inside.

Don’t feel bad about your body colleen or bad about “Not being productive” you are doing what YOU can not everyone can do as much as you when they’re pregnant and some can do more. You are incredible for being able to be pregnant WITH TWINS *and* take care of a family. Everyone is proud of you for being able to get through tough pregnancies and if you need to complain, please just remember that your feelings ARE valid and we love you Colleen ❤️
Edit: also if you need a break take one, your overall health is more important than us seeing your videos ❤️

can we just talk about how visibly better colleen seems during this pregnancy? like it seems like she is handling the major struggles that come with pregnancy (especially twin pregnancy) a lot better. she is an incredibly strong woman. i hope she realizes how many of us there are that love and look up to her, and will be here if she needs to talk about anything! we love and acknowledge you!

That is exactly how I felt postpartum. I was so depressed that I didn't feel like me. It's so hard to describe to other people, feeling like a shell of a person that you once were and wondering when you'll start to feel like yourself again. I know there's not much to say to make you feel better, but we are with you. Here to support you and listen. Your feelings are valid, all of them. Take care of yourself and your family. We love you! 💕

4:18 «i feel so bad i just gave that to the babies» im dying😭😭

Hey Colleen, I am a twin and saw some pictures of my mum pregnant. I showed her your bump update and my mum said ' oh she must be 15-16 weeks' so I dnt know if that helps, but you are according to a twin mum (not a doctor but just by experience) showing a cute bump. Really glad you are in therapy, you are always you! X

"That tastes like tire behavior.".
Colleen Ballinger 2021

Part 5 of telling Colleen to change the “Its boring!!!” To “Its AMAZING!!!”

When I applied for my pregnancy license with the state, they confirmed with me that you do NOT have to enjoy pregnancy or enjoy how your body changes while pregnant - so, I think you're in the clear! Good job letting yourself process all these changes, and you're doing an A+++++ job!

“I feel so bad I gave those to the babies”
Omg that made me laugh so hard 😂😂

I’m not going to tell you all the typical things like “it will be okay” or “give it time”…I just want to say your feelings are your own and valid,and offer all the cyber hugs I can send!!!

"I don't want my drink to taste like a PLANT, I want it to taste like a FLOWER"
- Colleen Ballinger 2021

Erik has such a dad haircut right now and that blue collared shirt makes it even more complete

I know Colleen doesn’t see herself in her own body- but I do. I take one look at her and I don’t see the physical change she is going through. Because her body isn’t changing HER. She is still an amazing person: an amazing mom, an amazing singer, dancer, actor, magician :) She is still Colleen. She’s still the woman I look up to so much. I still know who she is. I still see the Colleen I know we all love. ♥️

You should bring this up to your therapist, hon. Taking care of your mental health during pregnancy is super important. This kind of stress can seriously affect your health and the babies and if you need a break from filming-- take it. Your stability matters.

What gives me such hope for the rest of this pregnancy for Colleen is that Flynn doesn’t see Colleen leaving her body. He really just sees his mom with a bigger tummy but she’s his mom and that’s that. He is such a radiant light and full of love for his parents and family 💜💜

I love that during a vent session she was wrapped in a tortilla blanket and wakes up and is craving tortillas

4 minutes in and I will absolutely be saying “That’s TIRE behavior!!” when I mean something is terrible from now on

Colleen: youll have to be patient with me with vlogs
Me: *yelling at my phone* BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF!!

Honestly, as a pregnant woman I can totally relate. Watching the change that your body goes through is hard. I started to not even feel human. I started feeling like a store that was just for the baby. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone and it will pass ♥️

Not me literally watching this video while I drink boba and then you're like "I JUST GOT BOBA"

you don’t sound like a brat. every pregnancy is different. you are going through YOUR problems. don’t compare yourself to other people because every body is so so so different

Big difference from your last pregnancy: you have a good therapist and much better doctors and medical professionals! AND a beautiful and kind toddler to cheer you on. And I LOVE that for you!! ♡♡♡

I felt the same way - kind of grossed out by my skin stretching so rapidly. Not strong enough to handle the weight gain, so unable to do anything I did before. Not having the freedom to make choices for my own body, but having to share it with my son and make choices depending on his needs. Everything smelled and tasted different. And some people just feel frightened when their sense of self is gone.

0:36 Eriks side eye made me wheez 😂😂😂

Sometimes when people comment things like "She seems to be doing much better this pregnancy. She's mentally handling this so much better this time around" I'm not sure how to feel. I say that because in the vlogs she is literally telling us that she's not doing well and is in fact doing worse than she did when she was pregnant with Flynn. Ik those comments are out of love though!

Who else remembers when Colleen didn’t like boba and now she had it every other video lol

i know the EXACT same feeling of hating that you don’t look like yourself and i feel like “i don’t want people to think i look like this because this isn’t what i look like” and not recognizing yourself in the mirror is the worst

Flynn with the beep beeps and bonkabonks, I can’t 😭😂❤️

I don’t know if this would help you at all, but during my anxiety flare ups this quote always helps remind me that it is temporary. “You are the sky, everything else is the weather.”

I honestly feel like there is a lot of body dysmorphia going on, even before pregnancy. To me, you always look like you. Please speak to your therapist about this, I’m sure you have already. Please try not to compare with your last pregnancy, it’s really damaging, even if you think it's cool. Sending love xo

My mom had a horrible pregnancy with me just like this. She said the second I came out it was like a fog lifted and she was herself again❤️ I’m 13 weeks pregnant and having a tough time with depression but watching you everyday helps me get through it. We got this.

“What’s going on in here?!”
“BEEP BEEP”

“I just feel like a shell of a human in a body I don’t know” I have felt this and it gave me a panic attack and I didn’t know how to word it so thank you ❤️

🥴“That tastes like a day spa”🥴
Colleen Ballenger 2021

Colleen. Even tho your body is changing its your personality that makes you you! Even tho you may be feeling like your changing we will never see a change in your nice, kind, loving, and caring Colleen! There will always be a you in you and if you end vlogging for a while we will all be ok. Now you have it harder to don't compare yourself with other pregnant moms. YOU ARE COLLEEN! and we all love you.

Also CLEARLY Eric's best acting performance is as a truck. 😂

colleen please take a break, we’d miss you but we wouldn’t be mad. it’s okay, please take care of your self

No one:
Absolutely no one:
Flynn: ✨bEeP BeEp bEeP BeEp✨

I remember being pregnant with my twins and that moment they came out I was like whoa I'm me again lol

As someone who experienced extreme depression and anxiety in my first pregnancy, and didn't really understand that's what I was going through, your vlogs now and with Flynn have really helped me process that, and support me where I'm at, so please know that these videos are so helpful to others out there, and it's so supportive to see other women who aren't only sharing or feeling joy when pregnant (there's that too sometimes). You're an amazing woman. Thank you.

I literally feel like I know Colleen so well it’s so weird to me that she just doesn’t know who I am but I feel like such a big part of her life 😂

i think colleen forgets her belly is so big at only 15 weeks bc she’s carrying TWO BABIES.

Colleen is so so strong. Honestly, I think everyone here can say that she should be so proud of herself. She's a great mother to Flynn and will be to the twins, she's a great person to her family and she's such an inspiration to all of us. A great role model. If you see this Colleen, we all love you.

As someone in her 30s who is a theater actor, I understand the pressure to look a certain way. Also, I know what it's like to look in the mirror or see a photo or video and think "That's what I look like??" And it makes me SO ANGRY to see someone who is a lot thinner than I am thinking that she's not herself if her body is growing babies and has to get bigger. It's this toxic business and society. We think if we don't look a certain way, we're worthless. I was literally exercising while watching this video so that I can lose weight and look better for auditions. I'm counting calories, I'm obsessing over the scale. And it makes me SO ANGRY that this is the way things are. We can look at other women who are bigger and say "YOU ARE A GORGEOUS QUEEN, FLAUNT THAT BODY!" but we can't turn that on ourselves. That's all. I just wanted to commiserate.

Also,I noticed she went to the doctor and DID NOT say “We still don’t know the sex of the babies”! I’m waiting to see JoJo in an upcoming thumbnail!!!😍😍😍

That person looking back in the mirror, YOU don’t think you know…is a mother a mother of one soon to be three. I wish you could see what we see. A very lucky and beautiful person making a family. You have to look in the mirror and see you, see the great mom you are. The wonderful beautiful Colleen. It’s still you, it will always be you. No matter how big your tummy gets or how you think you look. You look like a pregnant mom, getting ready to birth twins. I understand it’s easy for us to say but girl you need to get it together take that deep breath, realize it’s still you and enjoy you pregnancy…you look exactly the same…just pregnant…with TWINS. Please embrace the moment, the changes and accept the fact that you are a mother building your family. Get a handle on your thoughts slow your mind down and take in all the miracles you’ve been bestowed upon..

i really hope colleen reads these comments because they're all so positive and loving

I felt the exact same way with my second pregnancy. I didn't feel like myself. I was lashing out at everyone. The second I had her I instantly felt like I was me again. I could eat, I could breathe, I could think clearly. It was amazing.