When she said she loves her parents but they were never meant to be ones my heart literally broke I could never relate to any sentence more than with this one
It’s terrifying when you get older & see your parents through your eyes as an adult vs a kid & you either love them more or realize they are just other people on this planet you might not actually like.
You gotta feel so bad for people, like Tana, that are basically orphans because BOTH their parents are just so fucked as ppl. Heart goes out. I see it in real life. Ppl who had great parents compared to those who had shitty parents, just no comparison.
Dom daVinci yooou just be new here. Tana is the queen of recording way too gadamn much and then cutting it down. I’d bet everything I own that she had at least 2 full hours of footage. Probably more. She absolutely coughed while filming this. She just finally learned that we don’t want to see it.
I watched a NT video and she said when she met Tana, she was one of the nicest KRplusrs she'd ever met. She said she treated her like they'd been friends for years.
Bardi Damn what... that is absolutely true. People who go through depression often times turn to substances to make themselves feel better or feel something. I did that with alcohol. When you finally stop and can think clear and your face goes back down from alcohol puffiness and you get your voice back from an almost permanent raspy state. Thats a beautiful thing.
Jenny B I’m 27 I guess we all just have to learn to be the bigger person. Sometimes that means to distance yourself far from the toxic ppl even if it’s your mom or dad.
tubester4567 ...isn’t -> acting dumb/ignorant, being called out/shit going down; then LEARNING you were dumb and ignorant; TRYING to be less dumb and ignorant; then until you do the next thing that’s dumb and ignorant .... isn’t it all just the necessary path to being the best person you can be? No kid comes out of the womb not dumb and not ignorant.....All you can really do is not give up on trying to non-dumb and non-ignorant.
Out of 1.2k likes, there are 2 comments not even related to your comment? I guess I will say what needs to be said. I have been through this, as well. You don't want to be "responsible" or for it to be "obvious" that you did something, but you don't care about the situations you put yourself in if they could potentially hurt you. I want you to know that I care about you, and I want you to care about yourself. I don't know you or anything about you, but I know that you were put on this earth for a reason and you are worth it. Have you told anyone about this in person?
These are the videos I missed, where tana just sat down and talked about things. This why I followed her, I missed her so much just sitting down being real.
I feel that about how your parents will never say sorry or acknowledge what they did. My dad will never realize what he put me through and I have to accept that he will never give me what I need and that's not my fault.
My father never owned up to what he did to me let alone apologized. I waited for that apology as he laid on his death bed. I never got it. You have to find it within yourself to be the bigger person and let that darkness go, make more space for the light. Do better than him with your own. Learn from his mistakes. Don’t carry his burden.
my dad is literally 40 years old, and still harbors resentment from his childhood. still talks about it all the time. it genuinely affects a person for the rest of their life. especially if they dont get help.
Tana, my love, please go see a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and/or depression. It would provide you a private place to speak without judgement, and more importantly it helps you get in touch with yourself. If you end up going on antidepressants, give them a chance - they saved my life
ammouring ammouring yes ^^ for real. And/or addiction. EMDR is crazy for trauma but is proved to often be really effective. It’s hard to do but life changing
finally someone who understands and tries to help Tana instead of bringing her down even more! Also i dont know you but im glad you got the help that you needed😊 hope you are doing much much better❤️
@@looksbyaj7476 I'd see if you feel any different within the next few weeks, if not go back to your doctor. They may need to up your dosage or change meds. I had to try 3 different ones until I found one that worked for me.
Xanax is literally a concentrated dose of _amnesia in a pill._ So, not only is it fantastical at numbing pain... it makes you forget any pain/trauma that occurs in the immediate present. All the while, simultaneously hurting the loved ones of whom abuse it.
@@Selinashii she obviously isn’t an addict, I’ve talked to my parents on Xanax and it is the worst memory of their lives and that is what got me to go to rehab at 19
Everything Tana does is dramatic, THIS ISNT DRAMA. Everything she’s talking about is so real. The speaking about ‘wanting to be sad, not wanting to die but being so depressed that you don’t care if you do, I know I should care but I’m so depressed that I don’t care.’ That shit is SO REAL, it isn’t even funny.
The Last Melon yeah but it’s also like putting those feelings into words no one can really say that without going through it.... you think she’d make an hour video to just explain mental health? Let’s think of this both ways: this isn’t real, this doesn’t affect your life at all OR this is real, this doesn’t affect your life at all but can help thousands even millions of others. Either way it’s not really any of your business.... and don’t say it’s cause you know someone personally because if you’re offended by that then be offended by all the other shit in the world that hasn’t nothing to do with your personal issues. It’s her channel she can post as much content as she wants and if it affects you in any way, don’t watch.
I hate how people don’t realize depression isn’t always spacing out and distancing and looking sad. You can feel this almost consuming mixture of rage and apathy. You lash out, you push people away, you genuinely don’t care if you die , it’s genuinely overwhelming. Every part of you doesn’t feel the same, not in any way. Sometimes the people that even come near you enrage you and you have no idea why. People often just say it’s brattiness, but by calling someone a brat that’s in this dark hole of despair it just solidifies their feeling of loneliness and not-belonging. Or if someone isn’t acknowledging anything , it doesn’t make them rude, sometimes we don’t even want to acknowledge ourselves or the world
Kids Bandt 100% agree. My depression isn’t just me being sad. I get so angry, frustrated, annoyed and lash out. I could see on her show how bad she was suffering. You don’t wanna be that angry but you also don’t realize you’re being like that until after and it hurts even more thinking back to how you acted. I feel bad for her
"my parents will never say sorry the way I wanted them too" felt that to the point where I needed to hear that and just truly understand it. Thank you Tana!
I’m so happy she said that. It’s something I’ve been struggling with for years. Someone told me that and things started to change. You’re on the path of healing!
When you said “my parents talked to me/said things parents should never say to their kid” I really felt that. Some toxic parents are worse then others, but I felt reallyyy that.
Looking back at this video breaks my heart, why did you give up on this healthy new you? Me and you are the same age. We grew up together. I related to you so hard. It hurts me that you gave up on this message from a year ago. I hope you'll come back to her. You inspired me to do better. You can do it again. Love ya
It's sad looking back at this video that was 7 months ago and seeing her instagram and posts on KRplus now is just her smoking everyday and her health not good and then you watch this video I don't know it's just sad
“The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't.” I don’t think some people actually realise how badly a traumatic childhood can be so debilitating on adulthood. We should all spread some love and encouragement for growth and healing. I wish you the best Tana
Laura Kilworth YES. Just because to others it may seem like her childhood “wasn’t that bad”... it was obviously very traumatic. Just because her breaking point was different than someone else’s doesn’t make her feelings less valid. I’m tired of seeing comments saying they’ve had it “worse” when any kind of emotional abuse is AWFUL and can affect others so different
absolutely! it’s bothering me that so many comments are undermining childhood trauma on adulthood. she’s not “using that card everytime” it literally impacts EVERYTHING you ever do as an adult. i hope she gets better and doesn’t take that shit seriously
I agree. But, at some point you have to work through those issues. First thing is realizing you have them. Shes young but the sooner she worries about her the better. It's easier for her to worry about someone else other than herself. It's sad and I do wish her the very best!
I've been in difficult situations with my parents too & I've always looked up to you as someone who had it hard and made it better. This is so raw and relatable and inspirational. the fact you're so raw and honest makes you even more of a role model, thank you love you tana
That’s what made me watch her I hated her at first because of her voice now I love her because of how she acts with money I’m the same way people can offer me the world I wouldn’t take it show me how you are in the world and we may talk🤷♀️ I’ve been around the rich and they r the worst to be around my poorest friends ate my truest most loyal ❤️💙
but it kinda can, but it can then u feel like u have everything and then u wanna pitty urself and u wanna be sad like others r (wether they actually r is another story), but okay everybody is sad (apparently)... except me and actually a lot of ppl that say they r sad, they’re not they’re happy too😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, if ur not happy, i’m sorry, but u may not actually sad (wether u made urself believe it, or wether u actually became sad because for some weird reason u wanted to, if ur a sheep ... basically u wanna follow the crowd). i don’t think it’s money that is the issue, it’s how u use ur money and how u decide to live ur life. but, i haven’t watched the whole video (yet) but for her (AND I AM NOT HER, so i could be talking complete bull), it’s more so the fame and her friends, and the drugs may or may not have a huge effect too (hate to say it, but the ppl u surround urself with impact ur life the most, especially if ur one of those ppl that crack under pressure for the sake of being a social animal) anyways i hope EVERYBODY is doing great, and if ur good UR GOOD don’t go looking for something wrong. like common U MUST OF HAD GOOD MEMORIES, and if u don’t have any (highly doubt u don’t even have 1) or enough GO MAKE SOME HAPPY MEMORIES
It’s so sad a scary how much I relate to all aspects to this. I know every thought and emotion you explain especially the sudden “only I can fix me”. It’s like a rubber band at the very end. I went through my 2019 just wanting to absolutely die as well and numbed everything and felt dead inside. I’m so proud of you and everyone who has been able to come out of this mind set. I know how hard it is especially being so young. You are so amazing and I’m so gla you came out of this. We love you, the tana we will always continue to love .
this and your newest video are giving me hope again & making me want to start taking care of myself and start fresh. thank you tana for sharing such a real look into what hitting rock bottom looks and feels like.
this didn’t even feel like an hour long video. she has so much emotion through the whole thing it’s like watching a movie. she’s so genuine with everything she’s saying. like she’s not doing any of that bullshit fake crying like everyone else does. she’s so real & that’s why everyone really does love her.
“i wanted to be sad” what she means by that is she was so comfortable in her sadness, because it was what she knew most. she would rather feel sad than be numb. without her sadness she would be empty.
Coming from how I feel about sadness and wanting to dwell in my own sadness, I feel like maybe she felt like she deserved to be sad .. I dunno. She wanted to be in pain.. (;_;)
“What she means by that is...” who tf is anyone to say what she means? You're not her? Lol. SHE WAS OFFENSIVE REGARDLESS; especially to any healthcare provider. ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW in America.
Watching tana open up about her childhood trauma has really helped me get through my own. I’ve been watching her since I was 14 (I’m 18 now) and I was going through some really shitty shit but seeing her talk about going through a lot of the same things I was really taught me how to accept the past and try to build something better for myself. Thanks sis🖤
Hearing you say you’re so depressed you didn’t care to live literally is breaking my heart so bad. You’re beautiful, worthy, genuine, and an amazing person. Don’t ever give up, you got this Tana. Take care of yourself before ANYTHING ELSE. 🖤
You can literally tell how different she looks now vs months ago. She’s glowing. I love Tana so much. And the fact that she’s talking about her mental health helps not only her but everyone else like me who needs it
Girl- I also experienced an insanely traumatic upbringing followed by immediate debilitating tragic experiences the second I turned 18 and moved into my own apartment. Starting from being molested as a young child by a family member, to my mother being in and out of psychiatric hospitals, watching her physically and verbally abuse my dad. Then around 5yrs old I was moving from random men’s houses that my mother would be dating that month. I never knew stability, safety, or felt cared for. And when my mother didn’t have my dad to unleash her rage, her attention turned to me. I was verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically abused on a daily basis. And as a survival mechanism- I learned how to dissociate....like a pro!!!! Spent 18yrs pushing down my pain and doing everything possible to ignore it. Which eventually lead to me to self harm, In an attempt to control the pain. So when I moved into my first apartment, I thought my life was about to dramatically improve. BUT NOPE! I wasn’t subjected to my mother’s abuse anymore. But I was held up at gunpoint, robbed and pistol whipped by a serial killer who murdered 4 innocent victims the same week. The detective told me I should be dead! And before I could even begin to process my sense of peace disappearing...my ex boyfriend, threw me down, restrained me and tried to beat me to death. My face was broken in 3 places , had 4 serious brain injuries, needed facial reconstructive surgery- now have 2 screws and a plate to make my left eye orbital bone able to hold my eyeball. And when I finally healed physically from the assault, my body was broken inside. I was having severe panic attacks that made me pass out within seconds. I was prescribed Xanax and antidepressants, pain pills, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills...you name it, I took it. (These are only some of the horrible things I’ve been through. It’d take a novel to list them all) So I was completely numb- not only did it block the painful memories and triggers but I also couldn’t even feel joy. I was a robot. Shortly after that, I began shooting heroin 5times a day, for years...even overdosing so many times I lost count. Bc I did stare death in the face many times, and lived to tell...people would refer to it as a”miracle” which only made my self esteem and self worth drop lower, bc if I was “so special “ that God saved my life for a reason....was the reason for me to shoot up heroin, and sleep all day- every single day? Seemed pointless, and I decided to finally end it, I was an extremely broken and injured soul. So in a last ditch effort, I dropped to my knees and cried out to God for help. (And interesting enough, I was physically unable to cry more than 2 tears before yawing, which was due to my traumatic childhood. As a survival mechanism for kids who experience intense abuse, is that whenever their brain registered crying- it would produce a huge yawn; this is so your breathing will stabilize and prohibit anxiety attacks and hyperventilating. Something I learned about from therapy recently) but as I was kneeling down, screaming and yelling- cussing and blaming; honestly I didn’t expect any type of response or anything....but to my surprise: the most comforting and gentle peace filled my body entirely, almost as if I was being embraced. It felt so familiar and completely foreign at the same time. Now I know that it was familiar bc it is what helped me as a young innocent child, and also completely new bc I didn’t have any relationship with Jesus as an adult, and regardless of that he RESCUED ME! I’m left with physical and emotional scars that will help bring others to Christ, our redeemer. He has fully restored me, healed me and given me hope! The circumstances and obstacles that you observe today may be truly overwhelming, but Gods resources are even greater and more powerful than you can imagine!!! Turn your focus off your own feelings and details of your circumstances and put your focus on Him, and what he can teach you! Whenever you completely surrender to, Jesus and trust him with your struggles, you will find that HE IS FAITHFUL- and he will lead you to victory and transform your life so you can help others and bring Glory to his name. Try it: spend time in prayer, asking God to draw you into intimate communion with him, and gather every struggle and all your troubles, and leave them at the foot of the cross. HE IS ABLE! And HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT! (*im willing to help anyone who is sincere and I will answer questions, give you advice and especially pray for you! *) what an amazing, friend we have in Jesus! AMEN!
“I wasn’t trying to kill myself, but I definitely didn’t care if I died” this takes so much courage to post. People will look at you differently but everyone who genuinely cares about you will be proud of you for speaking your truth. Thank you for raising awareness about mental illness and addiction and how they can affect eachother and starting to break the stigma. The world thanks you ❤️
She is so intelligent hahaha her marketing scales are pretty good , she knows her audience , she knows how to create drama , and she knows how to get out of them too , she is making money moves yall And always remember how she always says that's she's a very nice actress Btw , her content is very entertaining! Loveyou tanaaaa
I met Tana randomly at the Veggie Grill in LA almost 2 years ago now. I went up to her (I'm pretty sure she might've possibly been on the phone...oops) and asked if she was Tana, and she said "Yes oh my god HIII how are you!!" and reached out and gave me a huge hug. We had a super short convo, took a few selfies, she told me, "Also like GO OFF with that pink eye shadow like YES" to which i totally melted, and she then hugged me again and THANKED ME for coming up and saying hi to her. She has the sweetest heart and that day made me love her even more.
I ran into her 5 years ago when she was newly famous, she was shopping in the mall with Bella. My experience was similar to yours, very sweet and showered me and my baby in compliments. 💘
There are a lot of criticisms about Tana but one thing I've always consistently seen is that she's really really lovely to her fans when she meets them in real life. I think she's a bit misguided but I think she's a genuinely nice person trying her best to be honest.
i really hope this helps people who are going through similar stuff see that it can get better and it does and sometimes it takes time but it can and will get better. it is so amazing to be able to see the original, honest and open Tana again and it actually warms my heart so much and i just want to give her a hug x
I felt her when she was saying how she wasn’t trying to end her life but continued living recklessly. Just living in the depressed state of whatever happens, happens and you can’t bring yourself to care. That’s the phase I’m in now and consistently go through. it’s the worst
@jade afatasi I totally relate...It's the shittiest feeling in the world and you feel like you have no control of yourself anymore it's scary and I've lived that way for soo long without realizing it,that I'm just living in survival mode everyday but not really caring if I survive or not ? And then when you try and other people think you're not trying even tho you just aren't at their level,they don't realize how seriously you've been contemplating and how hard it is to keep going. Only people that have been through certain things can fully relate and empathize, i haven't watched her for a long time but just got caught up on the Mtv show today and I could see me in her, she's so young still and when your abusing substances on top of it you kinda get mentally stuck at that age when you started and I've been reflecting so much on my own life and how I got to where I am. It's defeating a lot of the time, but I love how real she's being, i could see through it on the show and I haven't been around long. It was like a punch in the gut and a sting in my heart when she said that, cuz I knew. I hope she can get the help and support she needs and live a happy life..It definitely can't happen overnight tho. I feel for anyone going through severe mental health issues/suicidal ideation/addiction.. stay strong, I'm trying to 💜💜💜
Jade Afatasi I’m right there with you sis, living on a couch couch-surfing in the quarantine is doing wild things to my mindset... not to be pushy but can I talk to someone, like be friends and just chat?
i remember i met her when she had just gotten out of a toxic relationship that she was cheated on multiple times. even with all the hurt going on she was still the most genuine and sweetest person i’ve ever met. she interacts so well with her fans and she talked to my best friend and i like she knew us. she is so professional and down to earth. definitely herself too and that’s what i love about her. the mtv series definitely threw things out of proportion about her.
When tana said "what am i doing? I'm just existing. I'm not even living." Can't even begin to describe the way this same question and thought process consumes my mind. Tana, you're genuinely one of the strongest people, i know. You are so loved and so valued by so many. Thank you for sharing your journey, and letting us join your life. We are privileged to get to know you the way you let us. Don't let anyone take that. Love u tan xo
tana, i've on and off followed you for years, and for a while I sort of just deeply worried about how you did the same avoidant/numbing shit I do when i'm struggling but to an extreme. I actually lost a cousin to drugs for a similar reason. so it's incredibly moving to see you in such an empowered, self-aware and healthy headspace. showing your growth in such a raw way is really fucking cool. you're dope. big love
Twenty minutes of an MTV reality show could never hit like an hour long episode of tana story time ! Talking to us on the floor with a guaranteed ghetto Tripod. We love you Tana.
Hey tana! I’m really proud of you for making this video! Honestly watching this I feel like 2019 was a really tough year for u. Although you grew a bigger following that year and did big things (marrying jake) I feel like you were so caught up in trying to please the media before pleasing yourself. I feel like you were soooo busy doing so much that you did not even have a second to just sit down and soak it all in to just feel!! To feel emotions, things were happening back to back and it was all too much for u. You couldn’t put ur feelings into one thing without something else happening a couple seconds later. U were super overwhelmed and I think that’s why you felt depressed. But thankfully you are now focusing on urself, ur health, the people who care for u and living the best version of urself. We love this tana!!! Stay positive! You got this❤️
I cried pretty much the entire time watching this because it’s insane how much we relate and how much we’ve been through that’s so similar. Some of the things you said made me realize this could be really serious and I’m just so thankful to have watched this video. I’m so sorry people have put you through so much pain and just know you are such an inspiration to have gone through more than the average person but also loving yourself enough to want to try to get better. It makes me so happy that you have people around you who care about you enough to be there for you, unfortunately for me I am going through this journey alone. It’s comforting to watch this and kind of cry it out, please keep talking about the importance of self love and self care. You have no idea how much this helps❤️ I fucking love you Tana ❤️
It is related because we forgot how much he hurt her because she was so "happy" with jake, we forgot that was her getting over him and yeahh she was happy with Jake. But Everything has been trough pain and also more than her ex. And we judged her and forgot that she has bagage and that even Tana frunts her happiness sometimes.....
you’re so strong i love this side of you and can’t wait to see what the next video to the series will be about thank you for starting youtube and saving my life 🤍🤍
wow.. this literally inspired me so much to also be the best version of myself and spend time and as much money as i can to help those in need. thank u tana
For real. Suicidal ideation is something you really shouldn’t fight on your own. I also wish she would’ve talked about therapy for the sake of her younger audience who might be struggling. Help is getting more and more accessible/affordable (although there are certainly still people who don’t have the privilege of being able to go to therapy)!!
Yeah..she talks about having symptoms of clinical depression (suicidal thoughts) ..she's so open about mental health and is aware she has trauma and other problems but doesn't mention therapy??? It's so weird. Bad example for her audience
J J i wouldn’t say bad example for her audience bc one persons coping mechanisms are gonna be different for others. i would not say something like that who’s clearly in a vulnerable place
Therapy doesn't always help. Depends on what kind of person you are. I always left therapy feeling way worse, all the things you bring back up and talk about... just for someone to spew out general things like "you have a right to feel that way" just makes you feel shit
Tana, just from this video I can relate to so many parts of your story. Right now I am coming out of the same kind of mental darkness you were describing. I respect you and adore you so much for admitting and talking about this in the way that you did in this video. I know in my soul how hard addiction and depression/suicidal thoughts are to endure. This proves that no matter where you are in life this kind of stuff does not discriminate. Thank you. Thank you for being you and staying so raw and real. This touched me so much and I know for a fact this video is possibly saving the lives of people who've suffered through the same pain as us. Stay strong, stay real, and never give up the fight. Sending all the positivity and good vibes your way
Thank you for being so open, I’ve been watching you since your story time videos years ago and I’ve never stopped watching your channel. Keep being who you are and taking care of yourself, remember life is never really over ; 💗
Reem Derek I would mind having a few thousand in my bank account lol. My family lost all their jobs and I’m eating top ramen and water. I get jealous of the rich a lot..
Money would make me the happiest person in the world cuz I could take care of my son how I want to and the rest of my family. I want to die because I feel like a failure. Money is the only thing that would make me happy besides my baby boy
Thank you for being so open and honest. As someone who has dealt with an emotionally abusive parent and have been at rock bottom with depression and passive suicidal thoughts, it was really cathartic to listen to this. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of those incredibly painful emotions and situations. Sending love and support your way ❤️
haven't finished the video yet but all i really have to say is thank you. from those of us who can relate to you and what you've been through in any way, you are an inspiration. i'm so happy that you're choosing to be open about this and that you're starting to become happier. love you tana ❤
Brooke Roberts it’s so true. If they don’t know they don’t want or need to know. God allows us what we can handle and THAT kind of depression, is one I faced completely alone.. by choice I hid away. I can’t imagine being famous being forced to push the anxiety of depression off for the cameras.
Tana looks so healthy in this video. She looks amazing. It was so heartbreaking watching season two, and how she was during those times. I’m so proud of your growth and mental health. Love you ❤️
wow tana you’ve come sooo far. to see how you are now is crazy. your so amazing and strong and inspire so many. im so proud of you for improving yourself and being brave. i love you so much. you deserve all the best because ur honestly such a fucking genuine person.💗💗💗
“I love my parents, but they weren’t meant to be parents” if only more people understood that just because society tells you have to have kids shouldn’t mean you do. My parents weren’t meant to be parents and I suffered for it too. The advice you can all take from this is don’t bring a child into the world just because you can. It’s a human being. It deserves a healthy environment to grow up in
As someone who also has a rough relationship with their parents the best advice i can give someone who still holds on to there negative emotions do to their parents when you are well into your adult life is you just have to forgive and forget and Drown up or else you will never get anywhere by holding childish resentment in your heart.
When she said “he just wanted me to wake up and get better and I was angry that he didn’t understand what I was going through” that’s when I knew how genuine this was. When im really struggling I get so angry and frustrated if people try to help and I just feel like they cannot understand the way that I’m hurting
100% they always try to give me advice and what I should be doing, or what worked for them. Especially hearing they hear what I’m going through and they understand but you know they don’t because you don’t even know fully. I just shut out their voice once I start hearing that and I’ll distance myself... it’s the worst.
your hair looks so good here! i definitely understand what it feels like to be so depressed about everything that you don’t even care about what happens to you. I felt that way for the longest, darkest 4 years of my life. I’m finally coming out of that, and am slowly getting closer to living a normal, healthy life. there are so many things that can numb everything you feel, it just makes it easier than admitting to yourself that something is wrong. Letting go of all of it, realizing there’s something worth living for has to be the most rewarding feeling I’ve ever felt. So glad you’re starting to see the light too, Tana. xx
I love u tana and thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I’m so happy that you have found you way back to yourself and are in a healthy mind set. Keep being you and now that everyone is here for you!
you know when tana is serious when she zips up her hoodie Edit: omg thank you all and tana for liking thing first time a youtuber liked my comment love u all
thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable with us we love you. im so glad you had the strength to keep pushing and that you're still here today
This is why I held onto defending her for so long. I know that feeling of not caring about your health and not caring about putting yourself in dangerous situations. I assumed this was the reasoning. Love you Tana.
Sometimes being suicidal isn't physically trying to kill yourself. Sometimes it's in not trying to protect yourself from harm that you know could genuinely hurt or kill you, that you would normally try to prevent, but don't. A lot of times it's no longer caring enough to try and stay alive. God bless everyone in these comments as well as Tana. It's never fucking easy. Not for any of us. And i hope we truly find health and happiness in 2020.
2019 was the year I hit rock bottom as well I was so depressed and just could relate to a lot of things you were feeling, especially with the drugs xans were my escape. I’m really happy to see you’re doing better now! And being so honest about this stuff thank you so much ❤️ I know it’s difficult but means a lot
same like tana, I've smoked weed since I was like 13 to numb myself from trauma, I didn't realise till I turned 20/21 because my grandma and my cat passed away very traumatically in front of me. it triggered everything from my fucked up childhood and past. but now I'm in the same head space as tana and I want to live and stop destroying myself.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m so proud of tana for making this video. As someone who has had severe depression and anxiety for 6 years and have ptsd from childhood trauma, I applaud her for speaking about this! It’s not easy. I cry every time I talk about it but it has made me stronger and I know she’s going to come out so much stronger because of all of this!
Amanda Remillard I know. Watching this changed my outlook on Tana, in a good way ofc. I have so much respect for people who went through things like this. She so strong and she has genuinely been at her lowest point and got back up to her highest.
She has such a good way of explaining and telling a story. She could tell the most boring story and I still would listen to her for hours. Idk if it’s her voice or something, but like damn.
i feel the same way. even a few years ago, when the stories were more immature and superficial, she’s always just had such a way of talking that makes me want to listen. she’s so good at her job
This whole message I can relate to I didn’t realize how much we have in common until now and my heart breaks for you because I know what I’ve gone through and to know you’ve gone through the same thing with parents and drugs and wanting to die seriously breaks my heart but the fact your so strong and can come on here and speak about it all so it can help other people is seriously amazing it speaks volumes on your character so much ! I don’t care what negative shit anyone says about you because watching this and all the other videos I’ve watched for the last 3 years of you have seriously been the most raw and most relatable life experiences! Your not fake and your a good humble person ! Your not like the rest out here I legit look up to you ♥️
You can like see the honesty and emotion in her eyes and her facial expressions. Seems like she matured a lot at this time in her life. To be brave enough to put it all out there for the sake of other people she may be able to help is amazing. This girl is awesome 👏
"I wasn't trying to kill myself, I just didn't care if I died" I get that, depression makes you have zero care in the world to the point where life becomes meaningless and feels so exhausting. I hope anyone going through gets the help they need and ends up in a happy place they should be💞
"i wasn't trying to kill myself but i didn't care if i died" bro u have no idea how much i feel that and how my eyes filled with tears. i haven't been able to even feel a tear in the last few months...and i started crying cuz i felt it...
im sorry that you are going through a rough time, if you need to talk to someone i can give you my number. im not a therapist but you need to know atleast somone cares about you.
@@reagancravens8675 ur so sweet omg it's okay tho i don't wanna feel like a burden i'll get through it. thank u so so soo much tho ur super amazing. i appreciate it alot.🖤🖤
I got clean this year and this is one of the most relatable videos I've ever watched. the way you talk about addiction and depression and not wanting to live is how I felt all of 2019 as well. ❤❤ so glad I watched this
As someone with a horrible home life and my personal struggles with addiction and mental health, I am so proud of you. I’m not at the same point you are yet but, you give me hope. Much love to you Tana ♥️
Jana Aridi shes warm-toned. Her blonde is getting warmer and she’s wearing gold jewelry. Doing things in coordination with your undertone helps immensely with how healthy you look
You have been so strong for soo long that it came crashing down on you all at once that you went to the thing you thought that was help you but it was only hurting you more. You have helped me when you go into these (not to be mean) crazy rants about stuff like clothes, people, and a bunch of other things that you are so passionate about that even on my worst day you find away to help me smile.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself.. but I didn't care if I died" I felt this to a whole new level. I love you Tana and I'm so happy to see how far you've came and how you are not afraid to speak out that you have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts.
I love that KRplus is Tana’s outlet. But as a person who has suffered with anxiety and depression for a long time, I absolutely support seeing a therapist or councilor. You don’t have to be broken to seek help. The point of therapy is not always to put the pieces together. But to have someone to talk to who can listen and help improve your thoughts.
When she said she loves her parents but they were never meant to be ones my heart literally broke
I could never relate to any sentence more than with this one
Matylda yeah I felt that big time...
This how i feel
God this is my father
That's verbatim how I describe my dad
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
her calling her parents “those people” hit me
#lifesrough 🤪😂
fr like i felt that so hard
It’s terrifying when you get older & see your parents through your eyes as an adult vs a kid & you either love them more or realize they are just other people on this planet you might not actually like.
You gotta feel so bad for people, like Tana, that are basically orphans because BOTH their parents are just so fucked as ppl. Heart goes out. I see it in real life. Ppl who had great parents compared to those who had shitty parents, just no comparison.
when tana said “i love my parents but they weren’t fit to be parents” i felt that
Same
I felt that shit on a spiritual level
Same
Yea ight
:(
when you don't care if you're alive or not, that's the scariest feeling in the world but at the same time, you don't care.
Wiktoria Knowles ig gets scary after you're out of that place
It’s terrifying
Honestly that's a dark place and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy
Craig Terry I do
@@maduamadura true
Anyone else noticed that Tana didn’t cough YES HEALTH
It's super edited though....
A Leigh super edited? You must be new lol this is an hour video, obvs shes edited it a bit but this video is barely edited and thats the whole point
@@sageevergreen4868 to each their own man.
Dom daVinci do you not see all the jump cuts.
Dom daVinci yooou just be new here. Tana is the queen of recording way too gadamn much and then cutting it down. I’d bet everything I own that she had at least 2 full hours of footage. Probably more.
She absolutely coughed while filming this. She just finally learned that we don’t want to see it.
She’s kept the same closest friends for years.... I think that says something about who she is and how she treats others
Fucking exactly!
thisss
So so so true! Everyone needs to see this!!
I watched a NT video and she said when she met Tana, she was one of the nicest KRplusrs she'd ever met. She said she treated her like they'd been friends for years.
Yesssss!!!!
When you take all the weed and alcohol out of her system, she looks and sounds sooooo much healthier... Wish you all the best Tana, love you
Beatriz Ramos dude r u serious? Grow up
Bardi Damn what... that is absolutely true. People who go through depression often times turn to substances to make themselves feel better or feel something. I did that with alcohol. When you finally stop and can think clear and your face goes back down from alcohol puffiness and you get your voice back from an almost permanent raspy state. Thats a beautiful thing.
Chelsea Munroe Thats not what I’m talking about u just gave a back handed comment to her at the expense of her mental health it was insensitive
I didn’t make the original comment
Bardi Damn that’s not a backhanded compliment. She said she sounds healthier meaning her mind is clearer which is true so chillax
i feel like she needs to rewatch this video right about now :(
im so worried about her
@@sadgrlswrld i feel so bad that everyone thinks tana is this careless person when she's actually such a beautiful soul. i love her sm.
@@sadgrlswrld why what’s going on with tana??
@@MonicaOke she's on xanax again
“My parents will never say sorry the way that I want them to.” I’ve never related to something more than that sentence.
same yo... it took me so long to come to this painful realization, but once I did I felt like I could finally move on with my life.
Same and I'm in my thirties
Same . My mom will be like “sorry hunny”. But I’m like no you don’t get it.
Jenny B I’m 27 I guess we all just have to learn to be the bigger person. Sometimes that means to distance yourself far from the toxic ppl even if it’s your mom or dad.
Same... my egg and sperm donors never will I can feel that line...
When tana said “I wasn’t trying to kill my self I just didn’t care if I died” I felt that asf
Tana: acts dumb and ignorant
Fans: hell no
Tana: Makes a deep and meaningful video about her problems
Fans: OK we forgive you
Repeat
tubester4567 ...isn’t -> acting dumb/ignorant, being called out/shit going down; then LEARNING you were dumb and ignorant; TRYING to be less dumb and ignorant; then until you do the next thing that’s dumb and ignorant .... isn’t it all just the necessary path to being the best person you can be? No kid comes out of the womb not dumb and not ignorant.....All you can really do is not give up on trying to non-dumb and non-ignorant.
Out of 1.2k likes, there are 2 comments not even related to your comment?
I guess I will say what needs to be said.
I have been through this, as well. You don't want to be "responsible" or for it to be "obvious" that you did something, but you don't care about the situations you put yourself in if they could potentially hurt you.
I want you to know that I care about you, and I want you to care about yourself. I don't know you or anything about you, but I know that you were put on this earth for a reason and you are worth it.
Have you told anyone about this in person?
Been there
Been there soooo many times
These are the videos I missed, where tana just sat down and talked about things. This why I followed her, I missed her so much just sitting down being real.
I feel that about how your parents will never say sorry or acknowledge what they did. My dad will never realize what he put me through and I have to accept that he will never give me what I need and that's not my fault.
My father never owned up to what he did to me let alone apologized. I waited for that apology as he laid on his death bed. I never got it. You have to find it within yourself to be the bigger person and let that darkness go, make more space for the light. Do better than him with your own. Learn from his mistakes. Don’t carry his burden.
I felt this 1000% I can’t stress it enough!
When she zipped up the jacket I was like whoa she is serious.
Hello Jordy SAME
dead
😂😂😂😂 same
Hello Jordy but still a solid amount of cleavage, because Tana.
A true superhero.
my dad is literally 40 years old, and still harbors resentment from his childhood. still talks about it all the time. it genuinely affects a person for the rest of their life. especially if they dont get help.
same thing with my dad.....
Same
Kahliah Ross literally just experienced this with my aunt.. we didn’t even know she had so much resentment in her
Kahliah Ross yes, my dad is 65 and never got therapy and has serious mood and emotional and behavior problems from his childhood
My mother
This is a Tana I can stand behind. Authentic looks good on her.
Authentic is the opposite of what she is.
@@thelastmelon449 she has her moments but I believe she's being authentic in this video.
Lmao sure
Don't be fooled
lmao.............
Jake Paul who? Lol haven’t bothered to look at his shit since the breakup. Glad you’re keeping your head up Tana.
Were they a Real thing? I thought it was staged
Samantha Elliot she was the only reason he stayed relevant lol like literally where did he go
Cece Rinaldi he cant even pull 1 million views anymore
Heavy Metal Kitten yes he can are you dumb? go check his channel out
Heavy Metal Kitten not even a jake paul fan whatsoever but don’t talk shit if it’s not true?
She looks like facetune tana in this video
Rightttt
Lizzrodrigo1236 Honestly thooough🤩🤩
She’s been looking so good lately!!
333 likes
Jasmin Appleby it’s that post breakup glow up baby!!🥰
Tana, my love, please go see a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and/or depression. It would provide you a private place to speak without judgement, and more importantly it helps you get in touch with yourself. If you end up going on antidepressants, give them a chance - they saved my life
ammouring ammouring yes ^^ for real. And/or addiction. EMDR is crazy for trauma but is proved to often be really effective. It’s hard to do but life changing
ammouring ammouring I’ve only been on them a month I’m not sure that I feel that different do you think it needs more time😢
finally someone who understands and tries to help Tana instead of bringing her down even more! Also i dont know you but im glad you got the help that you needed😊 hope you are doing much much better❤️
@@looksbyaj7476 I'd see if you feel any different within the next few weeks, if not go back to your doctor. They may need to up your dosage or change meds. I had to try 3 different ones until I found one that worked for me.
please tana we love u 🥺
Xanax is literally a concentrated dose of _amnesia in a pill._ So, not only is it fantastical at numbing pain... it makes you forget any pain/trauma that occurs in the immediate present. All the while, simultaneously hurting the loved ones of whom abuse it.
Yeah because drugs are so “fantastical” LOL
@@Selinashii she obviously isn’t an addict, I’ve talked to my parents on Xanax and it is the worst memory of their lives and that is what got me to go to rehab at 19
@@Selinashii they did not mean it in a good way lol
Everything Tana does is dramatic, THIS ISNT DRAMA. Everything she’s talking about is so real. The speaking about ‘wanting to be sad, not wanting to die but being so depressed that you don’t care if you do, I know I should care but I’m so depressed that I don’t care.’ That shit is SO REAL, it isn’t even funny.
Kara Colin I’ve been feeling like that lately and the fact that she was even able to put it into words is awesome lmao. Shit is crazy.
Katelyn Cecelia it’s hard not to sometimes. Just know you’re never alone!
How do you know it’s real? She is going to say whatever makes her look better. She uses mental health issues to manipulate people and that’s not okay.
The Last Melon yeah but it’s also like putting those feelings into words no one can really say that without going through it.... you think she’d make an hour video to just explain mental health? Let’s think of this both ways: this isn’t real, this doesn’t affect your life at all OR this is real, this doesn’t affect your life at all but can help thousands even millions of others. Either way it’s not really any of your business.... and don’t say it’s cause you know someone personally because if you’re offended by that then be offended by all the other shit in the world that hasn’t nothing to do with your personal issues. It’s her channel she can post as much content as she wants and if it affects you in any way, don’t watch.
fr
I hate how people don’t realize depression isn’t always spacing out and distancing and looking sad. You can feel this almost consuming mixture of rage and apathy. You lash out, you push people away, you genuinely don’t care if you die , it’s genuinely overwhelming. Every part of you doesn’t feel the same, not in any way. Sometimes the people that even come near you enrage you and you have no idea why. People often just say it’s brattiness, but by calling someone a brat that’s in this dark hole of despair it just solidifies their feeling of loneliness and not-belonging. Or if someone isn’t acknowledging anything , it doesn’t make them rude, sometimes we don’t even want to acknowledge ourselves or the world
Kids Bandt 100% agree. My depression isn’t just me being sad. I get so angry, frustrated, annoyed and lash out. I could see on her show how bad she was suffering. You don’t wanna be that angry but you also don’t realize you’re being like that until after and it hurts even more thinking back to how you acted. I feel bad for her
Thank you for putting it into words. That was honestly such a good description of what it's like. Completely agree
Yeah depression doesn’t excuse toxic behavior though
Kendra A ^ agreed.
Kids Bandt !!
"my parents will never say sorry the way I wanted them too" felt that to the point where I needed to hear that and just truly understand it. Thank you Tana!
shortyhoodie I am with you! I felt that because I completely understand it!
Me too. It’s so damaging to have parents that don’t except your perception of life or your reality of what your childhood really was.
I’m so happy she said that. It’s something I’ve been struggling with for years. Someone told me that and things started to change.
You’re on the path of healing!
shortyhoodie agreed 3000%!
Sarah Woodward ***accept
When you said “my parents talked to me/said things parents should never say to their kid” I really felt that.
Some toxic parents are worse then others, but I felt reallyyy that.
Courtney same I felt that on a whole other level😕
Looking back at this video breaks my heart, why did you give up on this healthy new you? Me and you are the same age. We grew up together. I related to you so hard. It hurts me that you gave up on this message from a year ago. I hope you'll come back to her. You inspired me to do better. You can do it again. Love ya
what has happened to her?
"i wasn't trying to kill myself but i didnt care if i died"....i felt that tana. i love you dude
22:15
hayl groff Hayl we love u too qween💜
YES FELT THAT HARD
Why is this the best tanas hair looks, girl ditch the extensions, just go natural
Lauren Thomas I thought the same thing it looks soo healthy
Lauren Thomas it’s also because it’s not pin straight too. She looks so much better like this tbh
I think she still got some extensions in it
She looks AMAZING in this video! Her hair has come a long way over the years
She looks so much younger.
It's sad looking back at this video that was 7 months ago and seeing her instagram and posts on KRplus now is just her smoking everyday and her health not good and then you watch this video I don't know it's just sad
i was thinking the same
i think i will always be rooting for this girl
She looks gorgeous asf tho like the hair, the make up, the jewelry 🥵
YASS
“The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't.” I don’t think some people actually realise how badly a traumatic childhood can be so debilitating on adulthood. We should all spread some love and encouragement for growth and healing. I wish you the best Tana
Laura Kilworth THANK YOU!! it needed to be said
Laura Kilworth YES. Just because to others it may seem like her childhood “wasn’t that bad”... it was obviously very traumatic. Just because her breaking point was different than someone else’s doesn’t make her feelings less valid. I’m tired of seeing comments saying they’ve had it “worse” when any kind of emotional abuse is AWFUL and can affect others so different
absolutely! it’s bothering me that so many comments are undermining childhood trauma on adulthood. she’s not “using that card everytime” it literally impacts EVERYTHING you ever do as an adult. i hope she gets better and doesn’t take that shit seriously
@@adaaleide yes holy shit this comment!!
I agree. But, at some point you have to work through those issues. First thing is realizing you have them. Shes young but the sooner she worries about her the better. It's easier for her to worry about someone else other than herself. It's sad and I do wish her the very best!
Jordan saying “I would be devastated if anything happened to Tana” holds so much more weight now. 😔
Alyssa Kobler who is jordan
Amona Saleh her manager
yoooooooo I felt that 😫
I've been in difficult situations with my parents too & I've always looked up to you as someone who had it hard and made it better. This is so raw and relatable and inspirational. the fact you're so raw and honest makes you even more of a role model, thank you love you tana
This is the longest I've heard her talk without snorting or coughing. So fckn proud of u!! Love this Healthy Ass Tana🖤🖤🖤
Jordan with the basketball is like a kid waiting for their mom to get off the phone
Tana is living proof that money can’t buy happiness
Yes.... Thisssss. 💔💯
Also Trisha paytas
That’s what made me watch her I hated her at first because of her voice now I love her because of how she acts with money I’m the same way people can offer me the world I wouldn’t take it show me how you are in the world and we may talk🤷♀️ I’ve been around the rich and they r the worst to be around my poorest friends ate my truest most loyal ❤️💙
but it kinda can, but it can then u feel like u have everything and then u wanna pitty urself and u wanna be sad like others r (wether they actually r is another story), but okay everybody is sad (apparently)... except me and actually a lot of ppl that say they r sad, they’re not they’re happy too😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, if ur not happy, i’m sorry, but u may not actually sad (wether u made urself believe it, or wether u actually became sad because for some weird reason u wanted to, if ur a sheep ... basically u wanna follow the crowd). i don’t think it’s money that is the issue, it’s how u use ur money and how u decide to live ur life. but, i haven’t watched the whole video (yet) but for her (AND I AM NOT HER, so i could be talking complete bull), it’s more so the fame and her friends, and the drugs may or may not have a huge effect too (hate to say it, but the ppl u surround urself with impact ur life the most, especially if ur one of those ppl that crack under pressure for the sake of being a social animal) anyways i hope EVERYBODY is doing great, and if ur good UR GOOD don’t go looking for something wrong. like common U MUST OF HAD GOOD MEMORIES, and if u don’t have any (highly doubt u don’t even have 1) or enough GO MAKE SOME HAPPY MEMORIES
shit well it can buy mine
It’s so sad a scary how much I relate to all aspects to this. I know every thought and emotion you explain especially the sudden “only I can fix me”. It’s like a rubber band at the very end. I went through my 2019 just wanting to absolutely die as well and numbed everything and felt dead inside. I’m so proud of you and everyone who has been able to come out of this mind set. I know how hard it is especially being so young. You are so amazing and I’m so gla you came out of this. We love you, the tana we will always continue to love .
this and your newest video are giving me hope again & making me want to start taking care of myself and start fresh. thank you tana for sharing such a real look into what hitting rock bottom looks and feels like.
this didn’t even feel like an hour long video. she has so much emotion through the whole thing it’s like watching a movie. she’s so genuine with everything she’s saying. like she’s not doing any of that bullshit fake crying like everyone else does. she’s so real & that’s why everyone really does love her.
izzy she’s doing a great job with her optics.
I'm not crying *
“i wanted to be sad” what she means by that is she was so comfortable in her sadness, because it was what she knew most. she would rather feel sad than be numb. without her sadness she would be empty.
so accurate
Well ducking worded
felt this :(
Coming from how I feel about sadness and wanting to dwell in my own sadness, I feel like maybe she felt like she deserved to be sad .. I dunno. She wanted to be in pain.. (;_;)
“What she means by that is...” who tf is anyone to say what she means? You're not her? Lol. SHE WAS OFFENSIVE REGARDLESS; especially to any healthcare provider. ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW in America.
Watching tana open up about her childhood trauma has really helped me get through my own. I’ve been watching her since I was 14 (I’m 18 now) and I was going through some really shitty shit but seeing her talk about going through a lot of the same things I was really taught me how to accept the past and try to build something better for myself. Thanks sis🖤
Drank a whole bottle of wine watching this and I feel like that was maybe not what Tana wanted but ily girl
amanda chavez LMAOOOOO
Hearing you say you’re so depressed you didn’t care to live literally is breaking my heart so bad. You’re beautiful, worthy, genuine, and an amazing person. Don’t ever give up, you got this Tana. Take care of yourself before ANYTHING ELSE. 🖤
You can literally tell how different she looks now vs months ago. She’s glowing. I love Tana so much. And the fact that she’s talking about her mental health helps not only her but everyone else like me who needs it
Jordan LaFebre she looks healthy
Agreed
Jordan LaFebre I’m the 420th like
You are a human, living in a broken world. Be kind to yourself. Your journey is your's, and we shouldn't be judging you for it.
She hurts a lot of people in her life though. I get what your saying, but she also needs to improve on herself and grow up.
The Last Melon if you’re gonna be mean, don’t watch
Judging is part a life no matter the person, whether it’s her friends, her fans, or her haters, she’ll need to deal with it.
Sydney O. They weren’t even being mean?
Sydney O. I’m not being mean. It’s important to hold people responsible because Tana has a lot of influence on kids and can cause a lot of harm.
Girl- I also experienced an insanely traumatic upbringing followed by immediate debilitating tragic experiences the second I turned 18 and moved into my own apartment. Starting from being molested as a young child by a family member, to my mother being in and out of psychiatric hospitals, watching her physically and verbally abuse my dad. Then around 5yrs old I was moving from random men’s houses that my mother would be dating that month. I never knew stability, safety, or felt cared for. And when my mother didn’t have my dad to unleash her rage, her attention turned to me. I was verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically abused on a daily basis. And as a survival mechanism- I learned how to dissociate....like a pro!!!! Spent 18yrs pushing down my pain and doing everything possible to ignore it. Which eventually lead to me to self harm, In an attempt to control the pain. So when I moved into my first apartment, I thought my life was about to dramatically improve. BUT NOPE! I wasn’t subjected to my mother’s abuse anymore. But I was held up at gunpoint, robbed and pistol whipped by a serial killer who murdered 4 innocent victims the same week. The detective told me I should be dead! And before I could even begin to process my sense of peace disappearing...my ex boyfriend, threw me down, restrained me and tried to beat me to death. My face was broken in 3 places , had 4 serious brain injuries, needed facial reconstructive surgery- now have 2 screws and a plate to make my left eye orbital bone able to hold my eyeball. And when I finally healed physically from the assault, my body was broken inside. I was having severe panic attacks that made me pass out within seconds. I was prescribed Xanax and antidepressants, pain pills, muscle relaxers, sleeping pills...you name it, I took it. (These are only some of the horrible things I’ve been through. It’d take a novel to list them all) So I was completely numb- not only did it block the painful memories and triggers but I also couldn’t even feel joy. I was a robot. Shortly after that, I began shooting heroin 5times a day, for years...even overdosing so many times I lost count. Bc I did stare death in the face many times, and lived to tell...people would refer to it as a”miracle” which only made my self esteem and self worth drop lower, bc if I was “so special “ that God saved my life for a reason....was the reason for me to shoot up heroin, and sleep all day- every single day? Seemed pointless, and I decided to finally end it, I was an extremely broken and injured soul. So in a last ditch effort, I dropped to my knees and cried out to God for help. (And interesting enough, I was physically unable to cry more than 2 tears before yawing, which was due to my traumatic childhood. As a survival mechanism for kids who experience intense abuse, is that whenever their brain registered crying- it would produce a huge yawn; this is so your breathing will stabilize and prohibit anxiety attacks and hyperventilating. Something I learned about from therapy recently) but as I was kneeling down, screaming and yelling- cussing and blaming; honestly I didn’t expect any type of response or anything....but to my surprise: the most comforting and gentle peace filled my body entirely, almost as if I was being embraced. It felt so familiar and completely foreign at the same time. Now I know that it was familiar bc it is what helped me as a young innocent child, and also completely new bc I didn’t have any relationship with Jesus as an adult, and regardless of that he RESCUED ME! I’m left with physical and emotional scars that will help bring others to Christ, our redeemer. He has fully restored me, healed me and given me hope! The circumstances and obstacles that you observe today may be truly overwhelming, but Gods resources are even greater and more powerful than you can imagine!!! Turn your focus off your own feelings and details of your circumstances and put your focus on Him, and what he can teach you! Whenever you completely surrender to, Jesus and trust him with your struggles, you will find that HE IS FAITHFUL- and he will lead you to victory and transform your life so you can help others and bring Glory to his name.
Try it: spend time in prayer, asking God to draw you into intimate communion with him, and gather every struggle and all your troubles, and leave them at the foot of the cross. HE IS ABLE! And HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT! (*im willing to help anyone who is sincere and I will answer questions, give you advice and especially pray for you! *) what an amazing, friend we have in Jesus! AMEN!
“I wasn’t trying to kill myself, but I definitely didn’t care if I died” this takes so much courage to post. People will look at you differently but everyone who genuinely cares about you will be proud of you for speaking your truth. Thank you for raising awareness about mental illness and addiction and how they can affect eachother and starting to break the stigma. The world thanks you ❤️
Madelyn Eggler the world doesnt thank her lmao it would be better without stupid people like this
valiums she has struggled with so much and I’m so proud of how amazing she is. The world needs people like tana.
I feel the same. Being broke during to this pandemic makes me want to die. And the government isn't helping at all
Madelyn Eggler that was me everyday taking a handful of pills, i would say "if i die, i die"
She is so intelligent hahaha her marketing scales are pretty good , she knows her audience , she knows how to create drama , and she knows how to get out of them too , she is making money moves yall
And always remember how she always says that's she's a very nice actress
Btw , her content is very entertaining! Loveyou tanaaaa
I met Tana randomly at the Veggie Grill in LA almost 2 years ago now. I went up to her (I'm pretty sure she might've possibly been on the phone...oops) and asked if she was Tana, and she said "Yes oh my god HIII how are you!!" and reached out and gave me a huge hug. We had a super short convo, took a few selfies, she told me, "Also like GO OFF with that pink eye shadow like YES" to which i totally melted, and she then hugged me again and THANKED ME for coming up and saying hi to her. She has the sweetest heart and that day made me love her even more.
I've ran into her at the mall and she was so so nice! :) she took a picture with me and held my puppy. this was the time she had pink hair
I could only imagine how nice she is
I ran into her 5 years ago when she was newly famous, she was shopping in the mall with Bella. My experience was similar to yours, very sweet and showered me and my baby in compliments. 💘
There are a lot of criticisms about Tana but one thing I've always consistently seen is that she's really really lovely to her fans when she meets them in real life. I think she's a bit misguided but I think she's a genuinely nice person trying her best to be honest.
I love this side of tana, I also like to see her have fun and act “crazy” but I wish that we saw more of her like this
i really hope this helps people who are going through similar stuff see that it can get better and it does and sometimes it takes time but it can and will get better. it is so amazing to be able to see the original, honest and open Tana again and it actually warms my heart so much and i just want to give her a hug x
I felt her when she was saying how she wasn’t trying to end her life but continued living recklessly. Just living in the depressed state of whatever happens, happens and you can’t bring yourself to care. That’s the phase I’m in now and consistently go through. it’s the worst
Jade Afatasi if she can bring herself out of it, so can you. It’s worth it to try. And I believe that you’ll get better.
I feel you sis, we can get out of this together xx
@jade afatasi I totally relate...It's the shittiest feeling in the world and you feel like you have no control of yourself anymore it's scary and I've lived that way for soo long without realizing it,that I'm just living in survival mode everyday but not really caring if I survive or not ? And then when you try and other people think you're not trying even tho you just aren't at their level,they don't realize how seriously you've been contemplating and how hard it is to keep going. Only people that have been through certain things can fully relate and empathize, i haven't watched her for a long time but just got caught up on the Mtv show today and I could see me in her, she's so young still and when your abusing substances on top of it you kinda get mentally stuck at that age when you started and I've been reflecting so much on my own life and how I got to where I am. It's defeating a lot of the time, but I love how real she's being, i could see through it on the show and I haven't been around long. It was like a punch in the gut and a sting in my heart when she said that, cuz I knew. I hope she can get the help and support she needs and live a happy life..It definitely can't happen overnight tho. I feel for anyone going through severe mental health issues/suicidal ideation/addiction.. stay strong, I'm trying to 💜💜💜
Jade Afatasi I’m right there with you sis, living on a couch couch-surfing in the quarantine is doing wild things to my mindset... not to be pushy but can I talk to someone, like be friends and just chat?
@@katybay277 I need the same thing girl :(
i remember i met her when she had just gotten out of a toxic relationship that she was cheated on multiple times. even with all the hurt going on she was still the most genuine and sweetest person i’ve ever met. she interacts so well with her fans and she talked to my best friend and i like she knew us. she is so professional and down to earth. definitely herself too and that’s what i love about her. the mtv series definitely threw things out of proportion about her.
Sophia Aponte I don’t doubt that, wish I could meet her too
LMAO WHEN HAS SHE EVER BEEN GENUINE?!
When tana said "what am i doing? I'm just existing. I'm not even living." Can't even begin to describe the way this same question and thought process consumes my mind. Tana, you're genuinely one of the strongest people, i know. You are so loved and so valued by so many. Thank you for sharing your journey, and letting us join your life. We are privileged to get to know you the way you let us. Don't let anyone take that. Love u tan xo
tana, i've on and off followed you for years, and for a while I sort of just deeply worried about how you did the same avoidant/numbing shit I do when i'm struggling but to an extreme. I actually lost a cousin to drugs for a similar reason. so it's incredibly moving to see you in such an empowered, self-aware and healthy headspace. showing your growth in such a raw way is really fucking cool. you're dope. big love
**MTV editors frantically putting together a suicide prevention show instead of bash tana show**
Raven Daisy true shiiiiiit dude.
Yeah cause they’re the reason Tana looks bad. This is sarcasm if you couldn’t tell Tana is a bumhole
She so full of herself she doesn’t get ur shitting on her
Twenty minutes of an MTV reality show could never hit like an hour long episode of tana story time ! Talking to us on the floor with a guaranteed ghetto Tripod. We love you Tana.
Sydney Stewart this!
Couldn't agree more. This is what we subscribe for
Sydney Stewart only because she got caught and got hate she doesn’t wanna lose $$$
Oh no honey
Hey tana! I’m really proud of you for making this video! Honestly watching this I feel like 2019 was a really tough year for u. Although you grew a bigger following that year and did big things (marrying jake) I feel like you were so caught up in trying to please the media before pleasing yourself. I feel like you were soooo busy doing so much that you did not even have a second to just sit down and soak it all in to just feel!! To feel emotions, things were happening back to back and it was all too much for u. You couldn’t put ur feelings into one thing without something else happening a couple seconds later. U were super overwhelmed and I think that’s why you felt depressed. But thankfully you are now focusing on urself, ur health, the people who care for u and living the best version of urself. We love this tana!!! Stay positive! You got this❤️
I cried pretty much the entire time watching this because it’s insane how much we relate and how much we’ve been through that’s so similar. Some of the things you said made me realize this could be really serious and I’m just so thankful to have watched this video. I’m so sorry people have put you through so much pain and just know you are such an inspiration to have gone through more than the average person but also loving yourself enough to want to try to get better. It makes me so happy that you have people around you who care about you enough to be there for you, unfortunately for me I am going through this journey alone. It’s comforting to watch this and kind of cry it out, please keep talking about the importance of self love and self care. You have no idea how much this helps❤️ I fucking love you Tana ❤️
on another note, Tana's makeup looks so good
Ali Blanchard so does her hair 😍 she just looks amazing
No, it does not.
iloveit somuch yes, it does.
Since her being with Jake I literally forgot about her ex. I wonder if she forgot him as fast we did.(that’s unrelated, but still)
It is related because we forgot how much he hurt her because she was so "happy" with jake, we forgot that was her getting over him and yeahh she was happy with Jake. But Everything has been trough pain and also more than her ex. And we judged her and forgot that she has bagage and that even Tana frunts her happiness sometimes.....
considering he cheated on her, i hope she forgot as fast as we did
lol gurl24 she definitely didn’t forget abt him as fast as us lmfao she literally dated him
sofia sierra obviously but she moved on kinda quick and I really forgot about him
you’re so strong i love this side of you and can’t wait to see what the next video to the series will be about thank you for starting youtube and saving my life 🤍🤍
wow.. this literally inspired me so much to also be the best version of myself and spend time and as much money as i can to help those in need. thank u tana
All I wanted to hear was she was going to therapy, hope we can hear that soon.
Rosario Mata same!!
For real. Suicidal ideation is something you really shouldn’t fight on your own. I also wish she would’ve talked about therapy for the sake of her younger audience who might be struggling. Help is getting more and more accessible/affordable (although there are certainly still people who don’t have the privilege of being able to go to therapy)!!
Yeah..she talks about having symptoms of clinical depression (suicidal thoughts) ..she's so open about mental health and is aware she has trauma and other problems but doesn't mention therapy??? It's so weird. Bad example for her audience
J J i wouldn’t say bad example for her audience bc one persons coping mechanisms are gonna be different for others. i would not say something like that who’s clearly in a vulnerable place
Therapy doesn't always help.
Depends on what kind of person you are.
I always left therapy feeling way worse, all the things you bring back up and talk about... just for someone to spew out general things like "you have a right to feel that way" just makes you feel shit
Tana's friends popping in feels like when my family comes in my room during my online classes
Jenna Jones feels like when I get caught taking a selfie 😂😂
Tana, just from this video I can relate to so many parts of your story. Right now I am coming out of the same kind of mental darkness you were describing. I respect you and adore you so much for admitting and talking about this in the way that you did in this video. I know in my soul how hard addiction and depression/suicidal thoughts are to endure. This proves that no matter where you are in life this kind of stuff does not discriminate. Thank you. Thank you for being you and staying so raw and real. This touched me so much and I know for a fact this video is possibly saving the lives of people who've suffered through the same pain as us. Stay strong, stay real, and never give up the fight. Sending all the positivity and good vibes your way
Thank you for being so open, I’ve been watching you since your story time videos years ago and I’ve never stopped watching your channel. Keep being who you are and taking care of yourself, remember life is never really over ; 💗
Tana is the definition of money can’t buy happiness.PLEASE GET BETTER WE JUST WANT FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY.
Reem Derek I would mind having a few thousand in my bank account lol. My family lost all their jobs and I’m eating top ramen and water. I get jealous of the rich a lot..
ok but if you had money all the time soon you’d too realize money doesn’t buy happiness
not everybody
Money would make me the happiest person in the world cuz I could take care of my son how I want to and the rest of my family. I want to die because I feel like a failure. Money is the only thing that would make me happy besides my baby boy
No, she’s the definition of, “money buys a fuck ton of happiness, but when you fuck up, just pretend you’re depressed.”
Hey, don't do a season 3. Let the relationship with MTV end.
B L couldn’t agree more ❤️❤️❤️🥺
B L lowkey befor this video i was sooo looking foward to season 3 but now im just like......🤦♀️🤦♀️
but...the moneyyyyyy
@@hannahe5769 well just one less Louie bags for miss Tana over here
Hannah E but.....her heaaaalthhhhh
Thank you for being so open and honest. As someone who has dealt with an emotionally abusive parent and have been at rock bottom with depression and passive suicidal thoughts, it was really cathartic to listen to this. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of those incredibly painful emotions and situations. Sending love and support your way ❤️
haven't finished the video yet but all i really have to say is thank you. from those of us who can relate to you and what you've been through in any way, you are an inspiration. i'm so happy that you're choosing to be open about this and that you're starting to become happier. love you tana ❤
Happy for people who don’t understand tana’s depression because they’ve obviously never felt that low. It is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Brooke Roberts it’s so true. If they don’t know they don’t want or need to know. God allows us what we can handle and THAT kind of depression, is one I faced completely alone.. by choice I hid away. I can’t imagine being famous being forced to push the anxiety of depression off for the cameras.
Facts
You shouldn’t compare depression with other people’s depression
Ree Ree wasn’t trying to but I can relate
GoldenDreamBarbie yeah I understand
" I can tell the difference between haters and fans who are disappointed about something I did" Lily Singh could never
What do you mean?
What?
Victoria Lopez they’re talking about her criticism with her talk show and how she takes it as “hate”.
Her and Gabbie Hanna
@@luka.renoir sometimes when people criticize her constructively, she takes it as hate
Tana looks so healthy in this video. She looks amazing. It was so heartbreaking watching season two, and how she was during those times. I’m so proud of your growth and mental health. Love you ❤️
wow tana you’ve come sooo far. to see how you are now is crazy. your so amazing and strong and inspire so many. im so proud of you for improving yourself and being brave. i love you so much. you deserve all the best because ur honestly such a fucking genuine person.💗💗💗
“I love my parents, but they weren’t meant to be parents” if only more people understood that just because society tells you have to have kids shouldn’t mean you do. My parents weren’t meant to be parents and I suffered for it too. The advice you can all take from this is don’t bring a child into the world just because you can. It’s a human being. It deserves a healthy environment to grow up in
The best quote I've ever heard regarding neglectful parents is "you can feel sad for another adult while still being mad at your parents"
blood doesn’t make family!!! actions do!!!
As someone who also has a rough relationship with their parents the best advice i can give someone who still holds on to there negative emotions do to their parents when you are well into your adult life is you just have to forgive and forget and Drown up or else you will never get anywhere by holding childish resentment in your heart.
exactly why abortion should be legal
Miso Soup i couldn’t agree more
When she said “he just wanted me to wake up and get better and I was angry that he didn’t understand what I was going through” that’s when I knew how genuine this was. When im really struggling I get so angry and frustrated if people try to help and I just feel like they cannot understand the way that I’m hurting
Same.
Same as well😔
Exactly
100% they always try to give me advice and what I should be doing, or what worked for them. Especially hearing they hear what I’m going through and they understand but you know they don’t because you don’t even know fully. I just shut out their voice once I start hearing that and I’ll distance myself... it’s the worst.
Yes!
your hair looks so good here!
i definitely understand what it feels like to be so depressed about everything that you don’t even care about what happens to you. I felt that way for the longest, darkest 4 years of my life. I’m finally coming out of that, and am slowly getting closer to living a normal, healthy life. there are so many things that can numb everything you feel, it just makes it easier than admitting to yourself that something is wrong. Letting go of all of it, realizing there’s something worth living for has to be the most rewarding feeling I’ve ever felt. So glad you’re starting to see the light too, Tana. xx
I love u tana and thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I’m so happy that you have found you way back to yourself and are in a healthy mind set. Keep being you and now that everyone is here for you!
“I wanted to die for $8 an hour” is hands down one of the most relatable things I’ve ever heard her say.
you know when tana is serious when she zips up her hoodie
Edit: omg thank you all and tana for liking thing first time a youtuber liked my comment love u all
Except the edit removed her like... bummer
Bella Scott damn😹
I legitimately swear these "opening up" tana videos always come up at the absolute best times in my life.
thank you for sharing your story and being vulnerable with us we love you. im so glad you had the strength to keep pushing and that you're still here today
This is why I held onto defending her for so long. I know that feeling of not caring about your health and not caring about putting yourself in dangerous situations. I assumed this was the reasoning. Love you Tana.
Sometimes being suicidal isn't physically trying to kill yourself. Sometimes it's in not trying to protect yourself from harm that you know could genuinely hurt or kill you, that you would normally try to prevent, but don't. A lot of times it's no longer caring enough to try and stay alive. God bless everyone in these comments as well as Tana. It's never fucking easy. Not for any of us. And i hope we truly find health and happiness in 2020.
2019 was the year I hit rock bottom as well I was so depressed and just could relate to a lot of things you were feeling, especially with the drugs xans were my escape. I’m really happy to see you’re doing better now! And being so honest about this stuff thank you so much ❤️ I know it’s difficult but means a lot
same like tana, I've smoked weed since I was like 13 to numb myself from trauma, I didn't realise till I turned 20/21 because my grandma and my cat passed away very traumatically in front of me. it triggered everything from my fucked up childhood and past. but now I'm in the same head space as tana and I want to live and stop destroying myself.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m so proud of tana for making this video. As someone who has had severe depression and anxiety for 6 years and have ptsd from childhood trauma, I applaud her for speaking about this! It’s not easy. I cry every time I talk about it but it has made me stronger and I know she’s going to come out so much stronger because of all of this!
Amanda Remillard I know. Watching this changed my outlook on Tana, in a good way ofc. I have so much respect for people who went through things like this. She so strong and she has genuinely been at her lowest point and got back up to her highest.
Man, people really are gullible.
13リナ 🤷🏼♀️ take your negativity elsewhere 😘
THIS!! 💓🙌🏼
@@amandaremillard8055 but it's true tho, she keeps recycling this. lmao I applaud for that.
She has such a good way of explaining and telling a story. She could tell the most boring story and I still would listen to her for hours. Idk if it’s her voice or something, but like damn.
i feel the same way. even a few years ago, when the stories were more immature and superficial, she’s always just had such a way of talking that makes me want to listen. she’s so good at her job
Yes that is how it all started haha
Tana acts like a dumbass half the time, but she’s a smart girl. Well spoken. Genuine.
probably because she takes a boring story and adds 99% lies to make it sound cooler than it actually was.
I agree. I love listening to her talk and tell stories.
Side note: Her hair looks really nice!
Sydney Johnston was thinking the same thing it looks gorgeous!!
VERY true.
Sydney Johnston I thought the same 🤣🤷🏻♀️
She looks gorgeous with shorter hair
This whole message I can relate to I didn’t realize how much we have in common until now and my heart breaks for you because I know what I’ve gone through and to know you’ve gone through the same thing with parents and drugs and wanting to die seriously breaks my heart but the fact your so strong and can come on here and speak about it all so it can help other people is seriously amazing it speaks volumes on your character so much ! I don’t care what negative shit anyone says about you because watching this and all the other videos I’ve watched for the last 3 years of you have seriously been the most raw and most relatable life experiences! Your not fake and your a good humble person ! Your not like the rest out here I legit look up to you ♥️
You can like see the honesty and emotion in her eyes and her facial expressions. Seems like she matured a lot at this time in her life. To be brave enough to put it all out there for the sake of other people she may be able to help is amazing. This girl is awesome 👏
"I wasn't trying to kill myself, I just didn't care if I died" I get that, depression makes you have zero care in the world to the point where life becomes meaningless and feels so exhausting. I hope anyone going through gets the help they need and ends up in a happy place they should be💞
Malia faith this is an EXTREMELY common theme in depression and addiction and SO IMPORTANT
@@ilovemcr6666 it really is!! :)
"i wasn't trying to kill myself but i didn't care if i died" bro u have no idea how much i feel that and how my eyes filled with tears. i haven't been able to even feel a tear in the last few months...and i started crying cuz i felt it...
im sorry that you are going through a rough time, if you need to talk to someone i can give you my number. im not a therapist but you need to know atleast somone cares about you.
Reagan Cravens you are a good person for offering your number to help someone you don’t know 💜
@@reagancravens8675 ur so sweet omg it's okay tho i don't wanna feel like a burden i'll get through it. thank u so so soo much tho ur super amazing. i appreciate it alot.🖤🖤
user 123 just know you aren’t anyone’s burden. I’m willing to listen, if you ever need ANYTHING. 936 217 9545 i hope you have a good day ☀️☀️
😰
I got clean this year and this is one of the most relatable videos I've ever watched. the way you talk about addiction and depression and not wanting to live is how I felt all of 2019 as well. ❤❤ so glad I watched this
As someone with a horrible home life and my personal struggles with addiction and mental health, I am so proud of you. I’m not at the same point you are yet but, you give me hope. Much love to you Tana ♥️
Yayay you go queeeeeeeeeennnnnnn
me: is gonna go to bed
tana: *posts an hour long video*
me: oh so she said no sleep okay
Elysse Landy mood
Elysse Landy I’m like oh shit tana got some shit to say😂😂
Same
Why is that actually me
Elysse Landy it’s litteraly 5am in Senegal but hey👌😍
honestly this is my favourite look she's ever done, SHES GLOWING DUDE she looks so healthy wow
Jana Aridi shes warm-toned. Her blonde is getting warmer and she’s wearing gold jewelry. Doing things in coordination with your undertone helps immensely with how healthy you look
Think it’s the shorter hair and lack of heavy extensions lifts her look
i literally love you so much tana and i always have been supporting you even through all of the scandals and the whole mtv thing. you’re amazing 💖
You have been so strong for soo long that it came crashing down on you all at once that you went to the thing you thought that was help you but it was only hurting you more. You have helped me when you go into these (not to be mean) crazy rants about stuff like clothes, people, and a bunch of other things that you are so passionate about that even on my worst day you find away to help me smile.
I feel like it is so obvious that she has turned her life around and picked herself up and it makes me so happy
"I wasn't trying to kill myself.. but I didn't care if I died" I felt this to a whole new level. I love you Tana and I'm so happy to see how far you've came and how you are not afraid to speak out that you have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts.
thank you for this. just got out of rehab and I needed to hear someone speak honestly about similar stuff. proud of you.
I love that KRplus is Tana’s outlet. But as a person who has suffered with anxiety and depression for a long time, I absolutely support seeing a therapist or councilor. You don’t have to be broken to seek help. The point of therapy is not always to put the pieces together. But to have someone to talk to who can listen and help improve your thoughts.